Hi, I'm new to this support group. I'm 43yrs old, single, jobless after a 16yr career, agoraphobic (afraid to leave my home. A anxiety disorder), no children, no hope anymore. My mother is a narcissist and has emotionally beat me down since as long as I can remember. I was the only child. My mother and father have been married forever. Basically he's become her drone, he no longer can think for himself bc she has been brainwashing him for years. He doesn't even contact me anymore. That's fine because he is rude and nasty to me as well.
I was always able to somehow survive the cruelty but I was certainly depressed and anxious growing up. But once I was an adult, moved out of that house fast! I had a great career that paid well. I was financially independent. I fell in love with a handsome Marine. I bought my first home for us in 2007. A very cute home! Never ever in my life has my mother been proud of me or my accomplishments. She would talk so negatively about me (and my bf) behind our backs.
Long story short...she had the power to take all that away from me because she is so wicked and damaging behind closed doors. Now I sit here in the same house I first bought, jobless, poverty level, depressed beyond belief. How could someone so evil do this to her own daughter!! I try to explain to my friends but you know how that goes. They can't imagine such a thing! They have lunch with their mom's, talk to them on the phone everyday, go shopping together....WTF, THAT is something I don't understand! So I thought maybe I'm not the only one out there that is unloved by their own mother..i found this site today. Luckily I will admit, I almost had to call the suicide prevention earlier, but calmed down.
She is cold and cruel with whatever comes out of her mouth. I've always felt the hate from her but a few fridays ago she confirmed out loud to my face that she never ever wanted me and blamed my dad for my existance. Of course the only other thing that heard her verbally say this was a fly on the wall!! Get it? So I've flipped my lid, feel like I'm going to die, angry, hurt, suicidal at times or homicidal and wanting to kill her! She's lucky I'm agoraphobic and won't bother driving to her house.
I need support.xoxoxo
I don't even know what to say. I'm alone, completely alone. I am going to be 39 in a month and I am at a standstill in life. I have never really found my place. I have spent the last 20ish years being a mother to four children and a girlfriend to a man that, saw me as a means to an end. I finally ended that two years ago. His children no longer have anything to do with me and my children are...
I know lots of us feel that there is no one out there and that people only want to hurt us and don't understand what we are going through. What we must not forget is that there are more outlets than just the people physically around us. The purpose of groups like this is so that many of us have like minded people we can rely on. It might not always work out but it doesn't hurt to try to make...