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Was happy - now crying all day.

seekinghelp789
seekinghelp789

Although I’m an “essential worker” – a clinician, and I treat Covid positive patients every day, my daughter and her girlfriend planned to come to see us for two weeks during Christmas. I’m tested every 2 weeks, per requirement due to the hazards of my job. BUT. I went to an outdoor, socially distanced archery range on Saturday, and because my daughter’s girlfriend saw pics of the even on FB, none of which provide evidence that I’m not practicing safety during this pandemic (I know better – I treat these patients), my daughter’s girlfriend will not come to Christmas with her. So, my daughter has no access to their one car. She’d have to rent a car and drive alone bc she won’t fly. Worse yet, upon return “home” to her gf, she will be expected to stay at a hotel to self quarantine bc she’s been here, and she will not be “allowed” to return “home” to her gf until she provides evidence of a Covid negative test. So, my daughter is obeying her gf, and she will not see me on Christmas. Another year with no Christmas with her. And, next year, they will spend it with her gf’s family in Hawaii. That will be three years with no Christmas with my daughter. I start a new job (in addition to my existing job) today, and my eyes will be swollen from all the crying I’ve done if I dare to try to lay down and sleep, so here I am at 2:15 sitting up. I will have no sleep, and I have to sit side by side with the director of rehab to learn a new computer system with zero sleep. I’m now set up for failure. I’ve been trying to get a job with this company for six years, and I start today. Yeah, that’s my life right now.

billwfriend
billwfriend
Sorry sounds unfair of that gf of daughter

Probably she will disappear from daughters life before you do so just try outliving that bitch
Littlechef
Littlechef
This is a sad story. I so hope things work out for all, you are doing an amazing job on the front line well done.
seekinghelp789
seekinghelp789
Still awake. I have two home care patients - first one in 4 hours. Second one right after. Then my second job - which is new as of tomorrow. Set up for failure because technology is my weakness and I will have no sleep. Then, I see my Covid patients after that. Dreading everything, although I was really over the moon excited about my second job. Now, it just doesn't matter.
seekinghelp789
seekinghelp789
Correction - four home care patients - two before and two after my second job.
seekinghelp789
seekinghelp789
Didn't even bother to go out and get anything to bring for lunch despite a 9 hour day. I have chips. I put gatorade in the freezer so it will stay cold - no point bringing a lunchbox just for chips and gatorade. Don't even care at this point. Chips are just to avoid hunger pain. Emotional pain - there's no avoiding that.
Littlechef
Littlechef
You must be very careful you need sleep to give your body the rest it needs but you know that, but try and rest when you can, good luck and take care when with your covid-19 patients.
Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
We handle stress much better when we are well rested. If I have trouble sleeping, I will drink a glass of chamoile tea or Labrador tea. No matter how worked up I was, one of the two would always help me to sleep.

God Bless
Community LeaderMid
Mid
First. Instead of taking it personally, please understand that the girlfriend probably told your daughter she didn't want to come - and used that as an excuse to not come.

Second, do not punish yourself for what others say and do. It's their problem.

Third, so she will not be there. We raise our children to grow up and be on their own. So talk with her on the phone and be satisfied with that and pick out something you can do to help others to make the day better.

Sleep is important for your well-being.

Best wishes with the new job. It's you. You've worked hard for it. Do your best!
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
Don't know if you can take Melatonin for sleep, seekinghelp789, but other members suggested it to me here and it worked without groggy side effects. Maybe it could work for you, too?
eli_mom
eli_mom
Hi- Thank you for all you do. Take care of yourself, try to eat healthy food, get some rest and enough sleep.

Please keep us posted. God bless.
seekinghelp789
seekinghelp789
Thank all of you. It's been difficult, and the fact that my daughter recently went to Michigan to hang out with friends doesn't provide me with true evidence that she isn't being manipulated by her girlfriend. She isn't truly "social distancing", but she's in a situation wherein she has to face the reality that, if she comes alone, she will be forced to stay in a hotel upon her return to Chicago until she provides her gf with evidence that she's Covid negative. I was tested 6 days ago, and I'll be tested again in an hour. I've been in entire houses full of Covid positive families, and with full PPE and common sense, I remain Covid negative. It just hurts that my daughter is choosing this over seeing me when I only see her once per year as it is.

I've tried Melatonin, but my ADHD brain won't shut off, so I lay there and think all night. Not sure what to do bc I won't take or be addicted to prescription meds. I also take HTP-5, which helped the first time I took it, but then stopped helping.

I know sleep is important, and I bought my step-daughter something to help her sleep. It's called "dodow"...she arrives on Dec 20 from NY to move in with us. Once she's here, I'll try it with her, and if it helps me, I'll buy another one for myself.

I truly appreciate your constant show of support. This group is amazing.
LiferuinED
LiferuinED
sh789: Firstly, thank you for all your efforts to help combat Covid19- this fight is NOT over! I come from a family of health care providers, including nurses, Drs, social workers, and out of all of these, only my sis-in-law (surgical scrub nurse) has had the virus (she's fine now, thank God). So in spite of all the risks you incur, you have successfully avoided it so far. (hopefully ur getting your 1st vaccine soon, if u haven't already). Regarding sleeplessness, I'm 63 & have probably had 15-20 jobs during my adult life. NOT ONE TIME did I ever get a wink of sleep the night b4 a new job- it's perfectly normal, just means that you care. I have an abundance of experience working w/ADHD in both kids & adults (for grown-ups, ADD can be a bit tricky), & would be more than happy to discuss this as well as possible interventions w/u at another time, & perhaps another forum. - Jack
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