Although I feel I have a sea of drowning issues in my life right now, the true reason to these issues being uncovered is the fact that I lost my daddy only weeks ago.

The process was chaotic and it all started on a Saturday in Jan this year. I have had to be in combat mode since then, arranging hospitalization, rehab, hiring carers and dealing with his finances. and then bam! He leaves me...
Just like that, while I was still in work mode. Although I did have one afternoon that I told him he was a great father and that I loved him endlessly, I did not have enough real time with him......

His last weeks and days were a blur of arrangements and family issues. My mother had a stroke in 2000, the year my middle brother committed suicide. And my eldest brother has Bipolar1 disorder. So all the funeral arrangements have fallen on me. The estate matters too.

I am now responsible for the caring of the properties and my mother. But I am a mom of three and my husband has bipolar2 disorder. He is extremely jealous and controls my movements.

I have to be very careful about what I say and how I say it. My daddy understood all of this, and without words he always knew where I was in my head, and a single nod, or a silly text from him used to help me along.

( he was only figuring out how to use his cell, sometimes he sent me texts with no words, or a photo of his finger...)

Now I am drifting, having fallen out of business mode into actually coming to grips with the fact that my mentor is gone. The man I admire and looked up to, who never saw any of my flaws....is gone.

I am the baby in the family. I am 37 and feel like the world is getting way to heavy for my shoulders.

Thank you for this safe haven. I know I will find solice here.