I am with you all the way. I have emphysema ,neuropathy , blood pressure that nothing seems to control but a pill that knocks me out for 18 hours, and very bad acid reflux. I can't walk, can't breathe and can't eat. I had a home in Texas I waited all my life for and loved dearly but had to leave it and come to Virginia to live with my daughter. Losing my home nearly killed me. I stayed as long as I could, but reached the point where I couldn't even do my own housework or grocery shopping, then fell and couldn't get up. My daughter is very good to me, I have no financial worries and am very well cared for and comfortable. But I had double pneumonia three times in the last five years, each time began with the flu and each nearly killed me. So I don't leave the house during flu season. Spending five or six months indoors in any house is miserable and I hate Virginia.. It is grey and cold and lonely. My daughter is employed so I am alone a lot. Day after day of this is enough to make anyone depressed, it seems to me. I got so tired of TV and trying to find something to read that I started writing a book. I now have 19,456 words , three murders, one adultery, one prostitute, one insanity and four rapes. And I need at least 40,000 more words. This should be a pretty good clue as to how depressed I am. I passed my 88th birthday last week and, like you, am wondering why I am still here. My only answer ,personally, is I am too much a coward to leave. Years ago, I shot a man who broke into my house and I have slept with a revolver under my pillow ever since. Every morning, I think----??? But I don'have the guts. Just hang in there, I guess, and hope for mercy.

I am so sorry you feel like this. I truly understand. Emphysema is horrible. I stopped smoking 4 months ago cold turkey but I still feel like I'm smoking. I huff and puff everyday. I am ashamed of myself for destroying my lungs. I am not on oxygen, doctor said I don't need it, but damn I can't breathe. I should have asked her does this emphysema get worse even though I have stopped smoking.

Happy belated birthday. You are still here for a reason. Just like you I have a gun as I live alone. I pray I never have to use it, but if I do, it sure as hell won't be me bleeding. I'm glad you are a coward as I have had the same thought. It's just too even terrible to think about, and when I do think about it......I would probably survive. Now ya really up the chit creek without a paddle. So we'll just have to hang in there until its our time to leave

I feel that way too, my breathing is so bad anymore. I hate living like this. Glad to hear from you dollaraudit. I am on oxygen too now, what a pain.

I
That Dr. who says you don't need oxygen needs to be replaced. I am not sure, it is just my personal experience, but I have blood pressure that hits 200 sometimes and I 've noticed that oxygen helps that go down.. Nd gasping for air is horrible when you don't have relief available. I don't know why some drs are so reluctant to prescribe oxygen. You should find one who will.

All this, "Negativity".!! Look out for miss sunshine from Texas.

they wont prescribe oxygen unless your level falls down to 88 .

LMAO..... miss sunshine from Texas.
That would be Mr. sunshine, thank you. And I'm beginning to agree with the general opinion. Sobs and bullshit answers don't help anyone. Ya'll can go out living what you're able to or soak in self pity. I choose to make the best of it.

HI DOLLAR!
i just "happened by'' ds & saw your post. it is so good to see & hear from you! After DS changed format i have only come here a few times, but I sure am glad I came today & saw your post! I do wonder what happened to so many people that used to come to this site. I am sorry you are having a hard time, but I am happy to see you & know you are alive.
As you know I have been on 02 since i was 1st dx'd in 2010. I used to not need it if i was just sitting around & i only needed 2 LPM when active.....
That of course has changed over the 7 years. I now need to wear it all the time & different amounts. I wear 2LPM just sitting & anywhere from 4 to 6 LPM when i'm active, depending how much i'm exerting myself (i have learned to "pace" myself to use less 02 & find that i don't get as SOB (short of breath) if i walk a slower pace also.
Talk to your Dr & your O2 supplier about what is available for you!!!!
I have the concentrator in the house with the long line that i 'trip" over or step on all the time & is so frustrating.
BUT, I have a fanny pack that takes a small "C" tank that I use when i go outdoors. it's bright red & the ugliest thing, but it enables me to go out for several hours (at my pace, with many rest breaks) to garden, go on my ATV to do things in the field etc. It is so handy that I wear it to do any cleaning & vacuuming inside the house so the darn hose isn't in my way.
They also have a 'back pack' that many use, but because of my neck & shoulder pain I chose the fanny pack. (yes, i have chronic pain & i do have to take medication---once again, something to talk to your dr about)
My Dr had to approve a "pulse regulator" & they tested the 02 nurse came out to make sure that it worked for me when i inhaled & kept my 02 up above 90%). the pulse makes the 02 last longer as it just gives me my dose of 02 when i inhale & not when i exhale, thus making it last much longer than if it blew out 02 all the time (continuous flow).
I have my good & bad days, but being able to get out of the house helps me not get depressed so much & i'm so glad to live in a time that we have so many options with 02 to keep us active! In the heat of the summer (we've been 100+ degrees lately) I have to go out in mornings & evenings when its cooler to do things.
Winter is harder on me because my lungs seem to shut down when it gets too cold & my pain levels increase. I tend to isolate in the winter, which isn't good for me. but the computer helps keep my mind active. :)
Well as you see, i am the same old 'talker' that can ramble on & on; but i am so glad to see you! I do hope you get feeling better.
jarca
ps sent you a private message because I don't normally come to this site any more.
((((HUGS))))