Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Community Group

A group for those who have ptsd or complex ptsd.

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MattD 03/25/2018

I have PTSD, and for a long time I kept my feelings and emotions on lockdown. I put everything I was feeling into a box and shoved that box deep inside me with no plans to ever open it. I drank my feelings away, or drank to keep the leaking feelings at bay. Several years ago I started the process of opening that box with the help of my SO and a counselor. Over the years I've had few steps toward a better me, and that has been rather hard to justify the pain that opening that box has brought. Recently I've started to put my feelings back into that box, and I'll be honest it has been great. I don't have to deal with that shit and I can function like I used to. I don't drink for those reasons anymore, I hardly drink at all actually. My SO doesn't really know that I've been doing this but has noticed that I don't share those same things I used to. I haven't really figured out how to tell her my decision yet, I'm not sure what her reaction would be if I do. I know that putting those feelings and emotions away might not be the right choice for everyone, but it feels like the right thing for me. One day those feelings and emotions might explode out of that box but I am not really concerned about that as I hope it is a long, long time from now. I'm not 100% sure what my purpose for posting on here is aside from me needing to get this out there. Let me be clear, I'm not sucidal...at all. I just want the life I once had back.

hopingtobecomeabutterfly 04/02/2018

Have you considered the possibility that you've actually worked through the bad memories enough now that those feelings aren't as strong as before? I got to that point and moving on is the next step. You get to a point where the traumatic feelings have been released and although they'll never dissapear you realise now that you're responsible for what happens from here on going forward..

MammaBear02 04/18/2018

To piggy back off that comment, I thought I’d worked through things and I hadn’t. I’ve been where you are and it felt good but didn’t last indefinitely. Finding healing is hard but they say it’s worth it. I’m at a bit of a crossroads myself. It would be very easy for me to keep doing what helps me function but I have to decide if I’m okay just functioning. I’d like to get to a place where I can thrive despite what happens and who says or does what around me. I can deny and stuff all I want but when triggers happen there’s no way around them. Deny and stuff too much and for me at least, I found myself right back where I started - just as confused and distraught only with an additional level of shame since I’m almost 40 and still can’t handle my baggage. Glad you have a supportive spouse. Mine has no idea what to do so I don’t ask him for that type of support - just the freedom to seek support elsewhere and he’s supportive in that manner.

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