In our society we do this by nature to try to identify our self by a label. We don't tend to respond to someone with who we are, ie a name, we define our selves as someone's husband or wife, whatever our profession is, someone's mother or father, so on. We have learned to use these things that really are not relevant to define us. It would be the same with preference. Part of that however is not within us but is external, others doing the same thing. They want to know what we do for a living, or if we have kids, or what not. so it is kind of a two way street on it. I do agree people need to take way more value in just being (enter a persons name here) and less worry about defining themselves by some label.

Oh my goodness! My sentiments exactly. Since being outed (mostly) I have suddenly been reduced to one tiny little percentage of what I am. And even then it isn't accurate. I now have a deep understanding and sympathy for the high school girls I knew who were always referred to as sluts just because they supposedly gave one bj and admitted liking it (or not). As a man, you admit to having one little d@%$ in your face and your gay. Not Pan, Bi, fluid, etc. Just gay. So now I am no longer a college educated, world traveled, Veteran, teacher, artist, musician, writer, son, brother, uncle, caretaker to my mother, etc, etc, etc. No, now I am just gay. It really makes me angry. My sexuality is actually the smallest part of me right now. I am a very complex-often too much so-human being full of all kinds of surprises and facets. The really annoying thing is that many of the folks who do that to me are the ones I have listened to for years demand tolerance, espouse diversity, and denounce me and my family for our religious beliefs on the subject. Silly me, I thought that once I was out, they would understand and be happy for me. Instead I have been called a hypocrite, hater, stupid, gay, and a few other things I can't even type without crying. The two people left after the initial outing that did not know have found out and claimed not to be "condemning" but have not spoken to me in over four months. We used to speak daily. I am now completely friendless and struggling with my wife to find where to go next in our lives. Surprisingly, she is the one who is trying to understand and be supportive despite the hurt I have caused her in this. Love is funny that way i guess.

I think it's very important to not let yourself down and look forward - many of us get depressed, start drinking or using drugs... It can be quite a challenge to quit drinking: https://addictionresource.com/alcohol/treatment/how-to-quit-drinking/ It's very important to seek professional psychological help in both cases!

I have debated this labelling for awhile. I have been out as gay for a long time and my life has, for the most part, not been affected negatively by being identified as gay. However I hesitate in stating that I am gay in some situations because I think that there is a lot more to me than being gay.

A friend once asked me how I want to be remembered. He said when I am dead and the centre of attention at my funeral, what would I like to hear people say about me. I thought about on and off since. Being gay is part of who I am but I would rather have people say that I was funny, I loved animals, reasonably bright, was a Disney "nut", etc..

For myself I can't imagine even thinking whether the person in front of me was gay or straight - well maybe very briefly. I would be thinking about the qualities that I liked and admired in the person.

I wholeheartedly agree!! I am so sick of people defining me by such a small part of who I am. I never introduce myself and use my sexuality in the intro. So why do so many people do so when describing me? I am so much more. Combat Veteran, Brother, Uncle, Friend, Artist, Writer, College Graduate, Multi-lingual, World Traveller, etc, etc, etc. My sexuality is none of their business frankly and I really don't care or want to hear about theirs. Annoyingly, many of the people that insist or demand on using my sexuality as a public "title" are those in the community that insist everyone must be an activist and public advocate. Would they like me to do the same with my Religion? Politics? I doubt it, so stop doing it with sexuality.