Ok this is probably just going to be a rant, and I'm sorry but I need to get it off my chest. Today my family had a dinner with my parents, sisters, sister's husband, and other sisters boyfriend as well as his mom. During supper the conversation turned to gay people. Well my sister pretty much was bad talking gays and kept throwing around the word faggot in a not-so-nice fashion. This was making me very uncomfortable, seeing as at the moment I'm really questioning myself and strongly think I might be a lesbian and its just not right. On top of that I know (or atleast am pretty sure) my mom suspects I am a lesbian and is always not so subtly refering to it. Later on we started playing a game (things in a box) and the answer 'I'm Gay' kept being wrote down. This game requires you to say all the answers out loud. I avoided at all costs saying it outloud, because i'm so self-conscious about people commemting on it, even in jest. The one time I was forced to say it out loud my mom put her arm around me and said 'Oh we've been waiting for you to come out!' The way she said it was only half jokingly though. Once again I was really uncomfortable. And then my sister kept using 'faggot' in a derogitory way the rest of the night. I really wanted to get up and leave the game but I couldn't without a good reason.
Sometimes I just want to say 'I'm a lesbian. I like women' but I know thats something you can never take back and I'm not that sure of myself to do it. Plus I don't want to rush it and then regret how I did it. If you made it this far, thank you for reading. This is the only place I can freely talk about stuff like this, and I'm glad I have it.