Coming Out Support Group
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I am a gay 19 year old male. Recently, I started going to therapy for my anxiety and depression. Because a lot of this stems from my sexuality, I told my therapist of my sexuality (gay) and felt so embarrassed by it. My therapist is a male, so I am even more embarrassed. I had to talk about my relationships and everything and I felt so embarrassed by it. I do not openly tell people my sexuality, I keep very to myself and rarely speak to others.
The main problem is I can't stop thinking about what my therapist will think of me. I am scared and worried that he thinks I am immoral or wrong by being gay. I am depressed and embarrassed that I even told him, but in a way I have to tell him (my therapist) because a lot of anxiety comes from hiding my sexuality. I am okay with being gay for the most part - but would rather die than let some people know about it.
Does someone have a recommendation on what to say to the therapist next time something about being gay pops up - when you have rarely told anyone your sexuality? If anyone has been to therapy before and told their therapist that they were gay, and could reply, I would appreciate it.
The main problem is I can't stop thinking about what my therapist will think of me. I am scared and worried that he thinks I am immoral or wrong by being gay. I am depressed and embarrassed that I even told him, but in a way I have to tell him (my therapist) because a lot of anxiety comes from hiding my sexuality. I am okay with being gay for the most part - but would rather die than let some people know about it.
Does someone have a recommendation on what to say to the therapist next time something about being gay pops up - when you have rarely told anyone your sexuality? If anyone has been to therapy before and told their therapist that they were gay, and could reply, I would appreciate it.
Give your therapist a chance to gain your trust. Talk about how you worry what others think, even him, that it embarrasses you to talk about it. Be honest. If he asks you a question you just aren't ready to answer, let him know you're not comfortable sharing that yet.
You've got a lot of defensive walls up around you to keep your secret safe and it's your therapist's job to find a way through your defenses to help you. You have to give them enough time to actually get through and then more time for their therapy to start working.
Hang in there. Try to push yourself open a little more each session, but don't rush yourself and if you have a good therapist, you'll see he's not judging you at all.
As long as he doesn't do things to indicate you need to be "Cured" of your gayness.
There are therapists like that out there, sadly.
As long as the gay part isn't an issue, fine.
If he makes it an issue, makes it out to be a "problem," then find another therapist. There are gay-affirmative therapists out there who would love to help.
The first time a therapist asked me a question about my orientation (sometime waaaay back in the previous century) I remember that I was not capable of speech. I could not make my mouth say anything. Highly unusual for me!
A couple years after that, when the words started coming, I looked for therapists who shared my religious belief that gayness was something that needed to be fixed. Mostly what I found was a lot of bad, and conflicting, religious advice. That and predictions of an over-warm afterlife (gee, thanks).
Since then, having taken a few psychology courses (and abandoned the hostile religion), I've grown a little more trusting of the profession. Homosexuality is no longer listed as a pathology by the APA (American Psychiatric Association) and hasn't been since the 1980s. Which means that most likely your therapist doesn't think any less of you because of your orientation... and that most likely it is a neutral piece of information that helps him better understand how to help you with your issues.
The exceptions to that are therapists who belong to NARTH or have a specific conservative-religious affiliation that is openly anti-gay, ties to Focus on the Family, Exodus, or any other "ex-gay" movement. THOSE are the people who will hold the opinion that you fear. If that is the case I HIGHLY recommend you find a new therapist, NOW.
The working relationship you have with your therapist has to be built on trust. It is absolutely appropriate, in my opinion, to clear the air with him - and to ask him outright what he thinks about you being gay and if you can trust him not to judge you - or even better - if you can trust him to support you as a gay person. You might also ask him if he has successful experience working with other gay clients or with issues surrounding coming out.
I will tell the therapist what I told to everyone here, and also question his position on homosexuality and if he has ever worked with any gay clients before.
Again - thank you. I appreciate your replies!
Thank you everyone! :)
I am so much like you!! Just two weeks ago I told my counselor the same thing, and I too had very similar concerns regarding what she might think of me.
A week later she asked me if I wanted to talk more about this, and I told her my fear of what she thinks of me, and she also said (just like your therapist) that she doesn't think there is anything wrong with being gay/lesbian.
She is only a second person I have told this to, and it feels great. Her and I are going to continue discussing the subject and see what happens.
Good luck to you on this journey.
I wish that was an option for me, but it's simply too cost-prohibitive since my employer's insurance won't cover it and the cost of the services of a gay-affirmative therapist around here, along with the cost of gas to go there...renders it pretty much a non-possibility.