I have a lot of baggage that comes along with me from my past but a lot of it stems down to a few simple issues. One that I am greatly struggling with right now and pretty much always is my identity. I am female born that way and love looking like a girl as a person. But when it comes down to being with someone and being intimate it grosses me out. I don't ever feel womanly and every time I think about sex I think about me being able to penetrate the other person. I have always tried to date bi guys so I can do things with them that many straight guys wont let me do but it is never enough. I wish I had the equipment to penetrate someone. Not just to do it but on a very intimate level. When I am inside someone (in anyway) I get this feeling of love and self happiness and comfortableness with myself that I do not get being the women in bed. I like both men and women sexually and emotionally but it is not pleasing to me when I am the women so to speak. If I could be anyone in the world id honestly be a gay guy. when I think about it it brings me so much happiness. I sneak around dressing like a guy all the time. I even do it openly (but my friends think its just me joking around) they don't understand how fulfilling it is for me to be dressed that way. I am so confused and scared and lost. I am a single mother of two children as well. I thought me having sex with everyone I could would make me become comfortable with my womanhood during intimacy. never did just turned into a very bad sex addiction for a period of time, and two pregnancies. I love my children more than anything but in my heart I feel like their dad. hope this makes sense and I can find someone to talk too