Coming Out Support Group

This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men and lesbian women face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.

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Lesbian & Gay
/ Coming Out Support Group

Regret?

Jellybear
Jellybear
I have noticed and been aware of my feelings towards girls since I was about ten, but I didn't really officially come out to myself until sixth grade. Even then, I think I was holding myself back by saying I was bisexual instead of full on lesbian. Of course, because I had told myself that I was bi, that's what I came out as to my best friend. I think I only labeled myself that way because it seemed less important or intense in my eyes. When I came out to my friend, I realize that I sounded very unsure of myself. Plus, I couldn't have chose a worse age to come out to her, because she assumed that I was just going through a phase. It's been a while since this happened, and neither of us really ever brings up the topic because she's still convinced that I'll just get over it. Little does she know, every day this becomes more dominant in my mind and my feelings towards other girls are growing. I can almost safely say know that I am, and know I am lesbian. I only tell you this, because I regret more and more every day that I put any doubt in er mind in the first place. She means the world to me and I just want her to understand and trust me. People always say that coming out will pay off, and even if I'm not officially out, it hasn't helped me much. I know that it might in the future, but right now, I just don't know where to go. Should I try to clear everything up with her, or just get over it?
seemad
seemad
Does clearing things with her will make u feel better? It seems most of your anxiety is that u never told her and she has to know. U are not out yet as per your post. If coming out to her would your small step towards the big day, then do it and be happy about it. Yes also brace yourself for any reaction that like, u are in a phase...get over it, u will change your mind...I don't want to talk about it...etc etc...or just silence also..so if u brace yourself but in return get liberation and happiness from clarification then why not. Ultimately the one person that matters is you and your happiness...u can't control her feelings and reactions..all the best!
marilyndawn77
marilyndawn77
I came out to my BFF of 30 years and she walked away from our friendship in disgust with some harsh words for me. It has taken 4 months but I'm almost over it but it required making peace with myself & being firmly convinced that I needed to finally live my life for myself & no one else's expectations. That in itself sets you free.
Look into your heart about what YOU need to do and move forward.
seemad
seemad
sometimes i think the easiest of all relationship is friendship (which acc to me people make it so damn hard to keep) and when we come out to our friends and they don't want to talk to us anymore..makes me wanna question if they were really my friends or not? I lost a lot of 'so-called' friends who kept telling me to find my happiness and get out and divorce and when I finally did it, they refused to talk to me anymore coz that is something that they could not do in their lives...leave alone return my texts...so at the end I have realized that people (friends) who change their heart and mind once finding out the sexual orientation of the other don't deserve to be friends per se!
charlize111
charlize111
Scary stuff, this. You are how old? How much school is left? Is it a large school with students that are out?

I just finished high school last year, it was a small school. Unlike you, I didn't come out to myself until I was a junior. I just didn't think about it. I found PFLAG, and got in touch with a councilor there, she wasn't gay, but she was what they call an ally. And I watched a utube show called out with dad. It is a story of a girl's coming out.

As you can tell from the posts above, we are not there yet. Someday it may not matter who is gay and who is not, but for now, it matters to some people (parents included, and parents of your friends).

I chose to not come out because of the adult thing, the parents. And also because of possible student backlash. From the shows, it became apparent they could impact my life in a way I wasn't prepared to accept.

Only we can make this decision on when to come out. But we need to consider hidden ramifications. Take the time to research this, and then make an educated decision. Check out the video, if you can. But I feel that when we are ready to come out, we will know it, and we won't have to ask anymore.