Coming Out Support Group

This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men and lesbian women face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.

1,138 Members
2,194 Posts
0 Online
Lesbian & Gay
/ Coming Out Support Group

Need Help

luis216
luis216

Im a gay 16 year old guy, I've pretty much accepted the fact that I'm gay and almost all my friends know but my parents do not. I come from a religious family, so in scared that my family would shun me and kick me out.  I have no idea what to do, I have been dropping some hints that I'm gay and my parents are starting to get the hint.  I've talked with my mom about how she would react to me being gay and she says that since I'm her first kid she would love me no matter what. That boosted my confidence, but my dad is another story. He has told me to look good for women and I always say that I don't care what women think about me.  He responded with "what are you saying you don't like women" with a very angry tone and I just said no.  I know this post is really long but I need someone to talk to about this.

WyndWytch
WyndWytch
your dad is in denial, that's basically what it boils down to. Your mom is going to be the one who will have your back. I suggest telling her alone first as she seems to be willing to be accepting. Then talk to her about how to get your dad on board with it. Perhaps she can deal with him, or at the very least, you will have her on your side to help. the fear you have is a normal one and a very understandable one. I wish I could say parents never do that to their kids, but sometimes they do. I think more times than not though, they accept it in time. The ones we hear about getting kicked out I believe are more the exception than the rule in this day.
goingup
goingup
Yep, definitely tell your mom first. I would wait to tell your dad until the time seems right or you are in a position where if he kicks you out you will be ok.
hopesmiles
hopesmiles
tell your mom privately. I wouldn't say anything to your dad until probably 18 and your off to college. I'm sorry but him being religious and snapping at you like that I'm afraid right now he would kick you out. is he the breadwinner of the house? or does your mom work and share the bills? who has the money has the power. you don't want to be on the streets. time will fly.
JBurton
JBurton
To echo the above replies, I would definitely recommend that you not come out to your father until you are prepared to be on your own. It sounds like your mom will be accepting, which is very good and maybe she can even influence your father in the long-run after you do come out to him. From your comments about being in a very religious family and the importance to your mom of being her first son, it sounds like you are in the LDS or a similar religious group. I have LDS friends (though not gay ones) and I understand the family life involved in that kind of situation. In many places, there are support groups for LGBTQ youths that are specifically for people who are from such backgrounds. You can probably find information on a group like that in your region through a simple search on the internet.
Also, if you have access in private to an internet connection, YouTube has a large number of coming out videos posted to it. I know there are some where kids talk about their personal experience Coming Out to their very religious parents (Catholic, LDS, etc). You can type comments to the posters of these videos below the video itself and sometimes the poster leaves contact information below the video for those interested in contacting them for help.