Coming Out Support Group

This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men and lesbian women face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.

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jennbeth 08/10/2017

I grew up a seriously rough childhood with all the above types of abuse. Sexual,physical,mental and emotional abuse. I have constantly had things happen to me and never feel like I can catch a break in life. My first ever sexual encounter on my own was when I was 5 years old with my best friend,my partner in crime and my confidant. Well I got taken away from my mom to live with my father at 5 years old which I had no clue who he was so I was scared. His wife my step mom was abusive and he became abusive and my step moms brother lived next door well he sexually molested me when I was 6 years old till like 11 years old. Finally it came out to my mom and she told my dad....which he still became abusive to me after finding out. Then he wanted to kill himself when I was almost 15 so I moved back with my mom....she wasnt used to having me and my sisters for years and she came off as pretty neglectful....I got stuck in a relationship because my mom couldnt find a place for me to livewith her after i graduated high school so i ended up having kids and having to give them up because of the fathers abuse...And all this time i've never been able to be free to be me because of fear. I know im attracted to females but I'm not sure if I'm attracted to males because its all I really know when it comes to being "reality" or "practical" to be with a man to raise my kids when i can get them back....Back to support....I dont have that with my sexuality or my mental health other than doctors I can't trust because they aren't sincere and helpful. I feel stuck in a life my parents have molded me in and have no idea to think and live for myself. I had a therapist ask me what my interest and hobbies are and I swear I had this 5 year old confused look on my face...I could feel the sad little girl in me saying what is that? the only thing I know for sure when you ask me about my kids...I love them....But it's so hard to love anyone else when I grew up in a negative non educating lifestyle where now even there is no one I know who takes me serious. What is the best way to know and find out my identity sexuality wise? I go to therapy so I'll leave that part up to them. LOL Sorry I can go on and on...Believe it or not this was the short edition....Oh by the way it's hard to find lgbtq support in my area...If you know how to help me with that I'd be very grateful.

WyndWytch 08/11/2017

You are doing a very good job on your own with the therapy in itself. Its going to take time and there is a lot of things there that need to be worked through. To the front of being able to figure yourself out sexual identity wise, and personally, a lot of reflection for one. What do you truly want? What do you crave? Once you have an idea sit around a mall. Just go and sit on a bench for a while and look at people as they walk by. Watch TV shows, movies, who is catching your attention in the sense of Hey that person is cute? From there it's a matter of interaction. There are ways you can interact with people in a wider sense to find out what you like. This is one such place, there are chatrooms and chat sites, programs like IMVU and Second Life that are a bit of a game wrapped around a chat engine (with all things online, do be careful what you tell people and all for personal safety reasons). things like that. In the end the ultimate test would be finding a woman you were attracted to and trying it. You may find its totally not your thing, you may find its the most wonderful thing ever, but that is going to be the over all test to tell you. I am really doubtful this is what you wanted to hea... read, but its about the best I can offer. You've been through some rough carp. You've made it this far despite it. You're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. You're doing good, remember that.

Starsister 08/13/2017

Jenn, I've been out a zillion years so I'm not actually in this group but wanted to lend support. First, you need to make sure you have a good therapist who understands LGBT issues as well as has lots of experience treating sexual abuse. Sexual abuse can really mess with our basic sexuality, and makes figuring out sexual attraction and orientation even moe confusing. Hopefully you are in a good size city where there is a good choice of therapists, as well as a strong LGBT community. These days it is even more ok to just be exploring who you are...more permission to think of sexual orientation along a spectrum where you don't have to be pressured to label yourself. I identify as lesbian now, but when I was 18 to 22 I just referred to myself as bi untill I'd actually had a chance to be with women. When I was coming out, at least half of our lesbian community was also in treatment for sexual abuse. Not that sexual abuse makes someone gay, but many women work through some sexuality issues by first having relationships with other women as the abuser was usually male. Many I know decide later they are bisexual or straight, instead of lesbian. But women are safer at first. The abuse is so important to get help with professionally...it affects the rest of your life sexually, emotionally, self esteem, sets you up for abusive relationships as an adult, causes anxiety and depression, etc. But good therapy will help you heal your entire life. If you want more ideas on resources, message me. best wishes to you.

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