Hi there. I'm separated from my wife, and have a son, I came out to her and my family back in Feb. The road you are on is very rough, let me tell you. If you do figure out that your gay, be prepared to deal with the stresses of coming out, and the stresses of separation from you wife and kids. It's a bitch. However, I will tell you this, you and only you know if you're gay. I've know since I was about age 10, I had always been attracted to men more than women, but due to religious upbringing and brainwashing, I was in denial about myself. If you are sexually attracted to men more than women, and want to have a romantic relationship with a man, then I would say you're probably gay. If you're attracted to both women and men, then I would say you're probably bisexual. This is something you'll have to figure out for yourself. Reflect on you life, and you will figure out who and what you are. I will tell you that I feel so much better about myself, now that I am being true to myself and to those who love me. If you ever need someone who's about 6 months ahead of you in this matter, add me to your friends and message me. Blessing man.

Thank you for your response. I've always felt like I'm bisexual, but there has always been a strong pull to men. I love my wife so much and we've been best friends for over 25 years. The thought of hurting her with this stuff kills me. The crazy thing is, as much as I know it will hurt, she will support me through it. I guess I'm lucky in that regard. The kids! Wow! I don't even know where to begin. My five year old won't care because he doesn't get it yet. My teenagers will probably still support me and love me, but what a tough thing to have to deal with in high school.

I know I'm going to to have to figure it out on my own. I'm reading some books and talking with my psychologist about it too. I've been in therapy for a few years due to PTSD from my military/ public safety career. I felt this was a subject that kept coming up and it needed as much attention as the other stuff. My therapist has been great! I'll get it figured out, I have no doubt. That's not the scary part. Coming out scares me to death.

Thank you for the offer. I will definitely message you!

I'm a GWM, 36, never married, no kids. I came out as a bisexual at age of 18 in 1994 during my first year of college. I had had a girlfriend my junior year of high school. Although, I was also kind of obsessed with a fellow male student in high school (which I turned a blind eye to--evincing my own resistance), and this raised doubts in my mind that I was heterosexual. So, I figured I was bisexual. I now consider myself as gay (after having "tested" myself as referred to below, and monitoring my responses to both sexes over the years. I've come across a lot of personal accounts regarding coming out. With almost all of them, the questioning individual has a lot of resistance to identifying him/herself as being gay or bi because it is so much easier to be heterosexual, and we fear what our lives will be like if we are different and come out. When people say they suspected they were gay or bi since childhood or some time many years ago, this just illuminates how much resistance we all put into not wanting to accept the more difficult truth that we are gay or bi. It's a much more difficult, although probably "richer" (in a spiritual sense, as you will have to face your demons, as well as adversity) experience. If we really want answers as to our true sexual orientation, we have to let our resistance fade. Don't judge, but listen to yourself. Only listen. Do you want the truth or not?--If you really want your answer, you must let go of the fear of what conclusion you might come to. Let go of the fear if you want your answers. Keep fear totally out of the equation, and observe how you react to males and females. You do not want to come to a biased (via fear or whatever) conclusion regarding your sexual orientation---you just want the truth, once and for all. I also find that taking note of how you react to porn regarding males or females is a really effective and easy way to get a better sense of yourself sexually. Also, what about your dreams regarding sex? Are they about males or females, or both? I would try these assessments in the effort to get to the truth. I used these "tests" on myself and they helped me immensely. Tell yourself that, right now, you just want the answer regarding your true sexual orientation. You will deal with the result you come to later. The best thing about this is that whatever conclusion you come to, you will have peace of mind in knowing the part of yourself that is your sexual orientation. You will be freer than you were before--and you deserve to know this about yourself. 'Hope this helps. Take care. -Matt

Wow Matt, that's a great reply. Thanks! While I'm not a porn fanatic, I certainly have seen some images of nude males. I know how I respond to them: They are a huge turn on! I also respond to nude females though too. Not to the same degree, but I do respond. Maybe I'm bisexual, leaning more towards the homosexual side. I don't know and that's really what I need to figure out first. I'm going to take my time with it and make sure I am honest with myself. Actually, I'm not so afraid of figuring it out, it's letting go of the fear that keeps it bottled up inside. The fear that keeps inside "the closet". I do feel trapped inside my head sometimes and I don't feel completely free. There is also the fear of telling family. I'm no concerned about my mother as I've talked with her about bisexuality and so she knows that much at least and is supportive. My sister could care less. My brother just won't get it, but may be supportive. Not sure. My father will most likely freak. I assume that if he doesn't disown me entirely, he will certainly not go out of his way to make me feel comfortable. And, if I am gay and have a boyfriend, I'm pretty sure the boyfriend wouldn't be invited over!! It scares the shit out of me and it's so stupid that I should have to fear being myself. Anyhow, thanks again for the reply. You are absolutely right in saying that I need to figure this out for myself and that I owe it to myself. You know, I've already decided that if something happened to my marriage, outside of this issue, I would look for a male partner. Oh well. Going to run this through my head some more. Thanks so much for the support!

Deep down you should know when you are with a man you like.

I had my first experience with men when I became 40. I knew since age 12 I had attractions to men.

I decided to com out of the closet because the hiding was destroying me. The first two sexual encounters were uncomfortable. I enjoyed the kissing and the hugging.

I am really happy and dating someone who I really like and hope becomes more than just a date.

Add me as freind if you like. I have helped others come out and the success stories have been 100% favorable.

In my case the first person I told was mky best friend and close friends who provided support and advice. I also went to a sexologist three weeks (one weekly session). I told my parents ayear after I had come out to my close circle of friends.When they said they were ok with, I instructed two close friends to spread the word to everyone in town.

You may have to tell your wife first if you know for sure you are gay.

I have not received any critzism or rejection so far. Everyone finds nice that I am gay and people love me alot, reagrdless of being 99.9% straight.

Good luck.
Andy

'Glad to help, Crash350. Best wishes. -Matt

'Glad to help, Crash350. Best wishes. -Matt