Coming Out Support Group

This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men and lesbian women face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.

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Lesbian & Gay
/ Coming Out Support Group

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joe42909
joe42909
So I made a second attempt to come out to a friend and ask advice on how to come out to my family. We are both RAs on campus and we were both actually alone in my room (he usually has a crowd with him). I figured, perfect, this is just the right time. Just then he hears one of my students walking past whom he has been avoiding. The reason? This student has been coming to him for advice on how to deal with coming out to his family... seriously, you can't make this stuff up. I did glean some helpful info though. I did learn that the method my friend used to come out to his family was the "you didn't know?" approach. The positives I've gained are, that perhaps by injecting a little lightheartedness into my coming out process, it may not be so grave an occasion for my family. The negative, the person I wanted to trust with my secret apparently has a pet peeve about others trusting them with their secrets-- no that's incorrect. Not any secret, this PARTICULAR secret. Seriously frustrating. Still I'm going to dwell on the positive, I am actually at a point where I want to tell others, so at least I have that.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Good for you for reaching the point where you want to be honest with who you are to others. But just because your friend was avoiding a student that had been coming to him for advice, doesn't mean you can't still come out to this friend. If he is a friend, he will support you... If he has advice for you, he'll give it to you,(what are friends for?) but just telling someone you're close to will make all the difference :] Whether he wants to give you advice or not...
I told my mother yesterday and she's not happy about it at all, but I'm still glad that I told her. It's a huge weight off my chest...
I recommend it.
joe42909
joe42909
Yeah... I'm a little embarrassed to say I may have overreacted (My position at school usually requires me to be the cool and collected one). I was actually hoping to reach out to him again today. I tend to over analyze things (grew up in politics). Sometimes I have to just let things be what they are. Thanks, and CONGRATS on telling your mom. I hope to be in that club with you soon, for better or worse :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thank you. I hope you tell him soon and that it goes great for you. Then I hope that you can be out with your family also. Keep me updated as to how it goes :] Good luck.
joe42909
joe42909
Well I did it, I told my friend. It was subtle and quick, not painful really. The strange thing is, his reaction was basically "oh... okay" then he explained that his parents had absolutely no problems with his coming out and that he couldn't really offer a useful perspective. Then business as usual. It sounds negative but it isn't. His explanation was honest, so I respect that and his nonchalance... well... suffice it to say that although my normal self doesn't necessarily break the gaydar, I definitely register on it. I promised myself that when I came out to myself I would at least stop denying being gay; I actually met him after that and I think he just assumed. It actually made it much better I think.

On a super positive note, I got a job offer as a designer for a TV network today (on a freelance basis, but still I'll be employed for at least a little while). This means my parents' only way of deterring my actions when I come out to them, tightening the purse strings, is essentially gone. Ive earned my degree, and have an independent source of income. They can't take them away by cutting of the cash flow. I have no reason not to tell them and soon, I can finally start being myself at home :)
joe42909
joe42909
Well I did it, I told my friend. It was subtle and quick, not painful really. The strange thing is, his reaction was basically "oh... okay" then he explained that his parents had absolutely no problems with his coming out and that he couldn't really offer a useful perspective. Then business as usual. It sounds negative but it isn't. His explanation was honest, so I respect that and his nonchalance... well... suffice it to say that although my normal self doesn't necessarily break the gaydar, I definitely register on it. I promised myself that when I came out to myself I would at least stop denying being gay; I actually met him after that and I think he just assumed. It actually made it much better I think.

On a super positive note, I got a job offer as a designer for a TV network today (on a freelance basis, but still I'll be employed for at least a little while). This means my parents' only way of deterring my actions when I come out to them, tightening the purse strings, is essentially gone. Ive earned my degree, and have an independent source of income. They can't take them away by cutting of the cash flow. I have no reason not to tell them and soon, I can finally start being myself at home :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hey you told him! haha his reaction sounds like the reaction of most of my friends. They were all kind of like "yea...we know." ha so congrats to you for coming out to your friend.
Hey, and Congrats on the job!! That's awesome. It'll definitely be easier to tell your parents if they don't have their hold on you financially. Plus, it sounds like an awesome job.