by coming out you find out who ur real friends are and who arent... its a scary process but I know you can do it :)

Hi Shaun,

It is a tough decision to make, but, I am sure you will have the support from your friends you need. I would suggest speaking to a counsellor and discuss the reason for coming out and what you will achieve from it. Remeber it is all about how you feel and you are doing this for you and that there is no outstide influence. I do have a website that may help you. www.comingout.com.au

Cheers

How about coming out to someone you can really trust? That is how I started, with my best friend. I was scared she would think I was going to hit on her, but she was totally supportive. It is nice to have at least one person you can talk to about this.

But i haven't got anyone to really talk to, just to chat with. There's no one I can really trust completely!
Information like that turns into high point school gossip in no time, and I don't trust anyone with the truth any more.
I'm surrounded by friends, but I feel lonely. I'm part of a gay minority and there's no other gay that I know of in school other than one, who doesn't like me. What should I do?

I know exactly what ur going through im the same way i mean ive come out to my friends and they treat me different but in a good way if they r ur true friends then they will understand and be supportive find a friend thats a girl and if u think u can trust her then tell her girls can be really supportive more than guys i mean i still worry about my secret getting out and every one freak out on me but when it happens then ill deal with it till then just enjoy life it took 4-6 months to finaly tell my friends and 7-8 to tell my family

dont feel bad im 24 years old and i just cant admit to any1 for the fact that im gay so i know what your going thru

Please note that this is going to be one of my "frank" posts...so please know that I do not mean to offend you...

Ultimately it all boils down to this...are you happy with the way things are now?

Obviously, the answer to that is no you are not. I can understand not trusting people with this sort of information. Have you ever thought of talking to your school counselor? Must students don't like the idea of talking to the school counselor but I promise this is the sort of thing they are trained in!

As for being surrounded by friends but feeling lonely. This is because you are surrounded by people that are friends with a made up person. You have not allowed anyone to know the real you! How can you feel anyway but lonely if you are constantly wearing a mask?

There has to be someone you can trust. I mean I know you are scared bu the thought of the information getting out, but stop and think for a second. If you didn't have anyone to who you could trust at school...then you have to have someone you can trust else where...a sister? an aunt? There must be someone!

Step back and breathe! Everyone fears being rejected when they think about coming out...but here's a different side of the coin to think about. The people that will reject you...are the people that you don't want as friends in the first place. True friendships are developed through trails and conflict.

It won't be easy...but you know that...Just believe in yourself. Confidence can do a world of good.

okay, I know you're right but our school doesn't have a councillor. I live in the UK, in Scunthorpe..... it's a place where the council don't want to spend money on kids.

The only person I can trust that is not on this site is My friend who lives in the NZ, who is also gay. He's the only person who knows and is the only person who will understand. I tested my friend by saying "what would you say if I was gay" and he ranted about how he doesn't like gays and he can't associate with them.

Some friend!

I think most of us have felt exactly the way you feel at one time or another. I'm 43 years old and I didn't come out until I was 32. I thought I would lose my friends, I'd be ridiculed mercilously and my life would be over if anybody knew the truth about me. Instead, I didn't lose a single friend. In fact, I've become closer to my friends and my family than I ever could have if I continued to lie to them and hide from them.

Here's my advice:
1. If you think you will be in real physical danger by telling your family, wait until you have moved out of your parents house.

2. Chances are your parents will love you just as much as they always have. Remember though, that coming up is a process for them just like it is for you and it can take a little time for them to figure out what it all means. Be patient with them. Your parents will be concerned about your health and welfare. You need to show them you know how to take care of yourself. If you don't know how to protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases, you need to learn.

3. You should also start learning about the role gay people have played throughout history. Plato, Socrates, Michaelangelo, DaVinci, Alexander the Great. We have a lot to be proud of as a people.

4. Remember that you are not alone. You are surrounded by other gay people at school. You just don't know who they are. They may never be able to tell you, but they'll respect you for coming out.

5. Buy books that deal with coming out. You'll get GREAT advice that helps you take control of the process and do it on your terms.

6. I know a lot of gay people and I don't know a single one that wishes they could go back in the closet. I wish I had done it a lot earlier.

Good luck!

okay, I'll give it a go. The only trouble is that I live with my mum and her boyfriend and he's a complete homophobic. He says he thinks I'm gay and jokes about it. I do think I'm in real physical and mental danger if I come out to them. The best idea is to sit tight and wait for me to leave the house first, like you said.

I don't know where I could buy a book on coming out, and that's kind of a giveaway that I'm gay to the shopkeeper anyway.

Yeah, apparently homosexuals have been responsible for so much of what we call society, and that's somethign to be proud of.

I will come out, but I'm going to do it to a girl, when I go back to school. Thanks for your help EVERYBODY.

I found this book VERY helpful. Just make sure you do NOT try to tell you Mom by leaving the book where she can find it.

Outing Yourself: How to Come Out as Lesbian or Gay to Your Family, Friends, and Coworkers (Paperback)
by Michelangelo Signorile (Author)Price: $11.05

You may be able to find the book at the library. Most big bookstores have a GLBT section. Don't worry about the shopkeeper. He's glad to make the sale!

Hey I know a great book I actually have it. Is there a library you can go to? If there is see if there is a book called GLBTQ (gay lesbian bisexual transgender and questioning) and get it. It helps a lot and will probably answer most of your questions. As for telling people I would just talk to a friend and hint around about gays and see how he/she feels about them and if they are cool with gays then tell them. If your moms boyfriend is homophobic is your mom? See how she feels about gays and if she is cool with them then you can tell her but tell her you don't want her boyfriend knowing. I hope this helps you too, even though it looks like you have already gotten plenty of help.