Coming Out Support Group
This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men and lesbian women face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.
I need an opinion from someone else. I'm not gay/coming out, my brother recentley did. I am straight, and have always been very accepting of people who are gay. My brother is 30 years old and has dated girls, has never made it seem like he has liked men, etc etc., so when he did come out, it was very surprising. and the way he came out to my family and I was just in the oddest way possible. at first i was happy for him, shocked, but happy and accepting. he has been dating this guy for a year and living with him, so i was kind of annoyed he hadn't told any of us. but as the weeks went on, i found out more information. and that he had been dating men for the past 10 years or so and has been lying to my family and I for that long. I know it's not about me, and it's not about my parents either, it's about my brother. But for some reason i just can't move past this. My brother wasnt even the one who told me, it was someone else. so he doesn't even know that i know. I don't know how to approach this sitution because I don't want to offend him or make him feel uncomfortable or that I don't accept him. because that's far from the truth. I will always love my brother for who he is and for whatever makes him happy, but for some reason I just cannot move past this knowing that he has been lying to me and my family for so long and I don't think he will ever tell us. I need someone's opinion who could probably relate to my brother.
It is natural to feel hurt and betrayed. I think it is a good idea to discuss it with your brother, because the relationship is obviously important to you and you'll need to clear the air to move forward. Before that conversation, however, I think it is important that you put yourself in your brother's shoes for a minute. How would you have felt if the roles had been reversed? What fears might you have had? Why might your brother have taken the path that he did? I think that will help you have the conversation from a place of love and empathy, rather than from a place of hurt and disappointment.
Good luck! I hope you will fill us in after your conversation.
It's honestly hard for me to put myself in his shoes, because I've never had something that big to keep from anyone. I was told that he wasn't planning on telling us, and he would only tell us if it came to the fact that he would marry this man. again, i know it's not about me; however, i think that is plain selfish. especially to my parents who have done nothing but support my siblings and me in whatever we have chosen to do in our lives. I have a very hard time of separating that I know it's not about me and what he did and knowing he wasn't going to tell us until he got married.