welcome and no need to apologize for a long post. sometimes they need to be, and I would say this is one of those times. I am going to have to be a bit vague in some of the responses. From some of the phrasing you used, i am suspecting you are not from the USA (I am leaning more towards Europe?) so there are some social aspects that will vary from location to location with Sexuality that you will have to adapt to your area of the world. I grew up about a decade earlier than you did and had a bit of a similar experience in that most the men where the manly men and the concept of being gay was met with contempt and often violence. Conversion therapy was all the rage back then where they basically beat the gay out of you in legal camps. So i can relate in some way to the feeling of being trapped in the thought of you cant ever let it be known because the world... no the universe will explode if you do. I can also understand the fear that comes with letting someone know and yet not being out. Good news is, that it sounds to me like on some levels you've at least taken the first few steps towards things being much easier over all. You have at least accepted you are gay, to some degree you are okay with the fact you are, it's that external aspect that youre worried about which is natural. This is where the social aspects come in. Because I dont know where you live or more specifically I don't know the general acceptance level of gay people in the country or area you live, advising you on how to proceed can be difficult. So advice, Firstly look at the nature of where you are and do so trying to separate yourself from the situation as if it wasn't you that you were evaluating the cultural aspects for but someone here asking you. How are gay people treated? Are things like say pride parades allowed? Are there gay clubs there? Is there a high degree of violence against those who are gay, or laws against it? What is the religious climate like and how open are the local churches to gays? These are all things that are going to be key factors to helping your anxiety, and your decision to come out and or seek relationships. If you are truly in a hostile environment like a place like the middle east where they stone people in some countries, you might want to be super careful. Some countries like England, Scotland, Netherlands, so on, I know those countries to be largely pretty accepting of gay people and as such you dont have very much to fear. If you think your own upbringing and own fears might be shadowing your assessment of the climate, you might ask your friend. They don't have that fear and have never had need to have those concerns, between the two of you, you can probably come up with a good idea.

Now if you want to dip your toes into the relationship/companionship scene, that's going to be a bit more complicated. My advice there is to see if there are meetups, gatherings, or businesses that cater to LGBT people. Obviously if you want to meet someone you have to go where there are people who are of like mind. There is also the internet but that can be a bit dodgy to say the least. Since you are concerned about locals seeing you, you might have to travel a bit away, but remember, even at a local place. if someone local sees you and they are there, they are likely in the same situation as you and there for are not someone you need to worry so much about.

Lastly, remember, you've hidden this long because of one overarching fact. Being gay doesn't brand your forehead or anything and no one is going to know unless they've been told via one means or another. So unless you are in a legitimate unsafe environment, you can be you and no one is going to know a thing unless you say something right? Even then is it really their business to care what you do in your bedroom? You mentioned you have a business you own. I would like to think that for most businesses if you are good at your job, you do your job well and are reputable and sought out now, even if the entire world knew you were gay, you'd still be good at your job, you would still do your job well, and would still be reputable and sought out to do said job. The hurdle you are at right now is being comfortable with society. That is an absolutely TERRIFYING thing but I am reasonably certain that outside of some countries that have some very scary natures to them, you can get through that by looking at the reality of how other gay people are treated where you are and doing some deep contemplation. Just remember the only people who need to truly care you are gay is you, your partner, and anyone you choose to allow to share the relationship with you and your eventual partner with (friends, family, so on). General public, they don't need to know anymore than you need to know what they do at home.

I know this was long, but i hope it was helpful. Coming out is terrifying but you have already taken the first few steps in that path and it does get easier as time comes, it is just getting that confidence to face the world and be you. It is worth it and I know in the end if you want it, you can do it. Theres ups and downs, but take your time, manage your comfort level, talk things out as you need, seek like minded poeple and know. you're not alone. Heck even in your small villiage, unless its less than about 1000 people theres a high probability there is at least one other person in the same boat as you. I wish you luck and hope this was of use.

Thanks for your reply. Much appreciated!

I'm from the UK so very lucky to be in a place where you can be Gay without facing too many issues. Although, being in a rural village, people seem to be still living in the dark ages when it comes to racism and homophobia. Seems crazy in 2021!!

Thanks for your advice. It's weird, for everyone else my life mantra would be to 'dance to the beat of your own drum'. I always say to people that life is too short to worry about what other people think....and yet here I am living a complete lie and hiding away in the shadows, terrified of what will happen if I told people who I really am. I wish I felt better about it all and I wish I could listen to the advice I so willingly give to others. Maybe, as you say, little steps.

I will try to dip my toe somehow.

It is great to find a place like this where you can talk openly. Reading that other people are going through the same sort of struggles helps to make you realise you are not alone....despite feeling like it a lot.

Thanks again

any time, glad it helped some. While i do agree that we should never worry what others think, the reality is that others opinions do matter sometimes. Especially when you say, have a business or even working in a field where you deal with customers regardless the level. The second we interact with someone that opinion plays into it. Fortunately when it comes to being gay, no one knows unless you let them know. So someone walking up to say a counter, wont know the person on the other side is or is not gay unless they are holding hands with a same sex partner or something like that. Like you though i live in a very small community, worse over most of the people in the area are related by blood or marriage so yeah word gets around. Just take it slow and take steps as you feel okay to do so, youll make it through :D