Coming Out Support Group

This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men and lesbian women face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.

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Cbayne914 07/23/2013

So back in June, I came out to my eldest cousin. Just really needed to tell somebody that I am planning to transition. She is 28, and was super supportive of what I'm doing. We talked for just a little bit, and then on July 3rd she took me out to a couple bars since I had never been out before and that was fun, but I felt more like a 3rd wheel. I then had therapy on the 8th, and we talked about doing a dress rehearsal type thing. So I contacted my cousin and asked if she'd help me. Or that we could just talk and figure out a way for me to come out to her brother and mom. She said she'd help. I asked if we could meet up on the 18th. Well she said Thursdays are her and her bfs date night. Which is completely understandable. But she told me that she has Thursdays and Fridays off. Now she's a bit of an alcoholic, not too much, but she works as a bartender during nights. I had figured she usually goes out drinking on Fridays. So she tells me Tuesdays are her best days. I asked if we could get together today last Tuesday. She said she'd get back to me. We haven't spoken since. I sent her a message not too long ago about something else. And then a minute after, she signed off. I feel like I'm being too pushy, and I've asked and told her if I am then to just let me know, but she never said anything. And I feel like because of this she is ignoring me. Now, I've been ignored all my life, I don't mind being ignored, I just wish I knew I was being ignored so I could quit annoying them.

I felt that a huge weight was lifted when I told my cousin, and it was a great feeling. But now it feels like the weight is slowly being rebuilt on my shoulders. She was the person I felt would be of best help, but now I feel like I am right back at the starting gate. I have nobody around that can help me. And that feeling drives me crazy! So I don't know what to do. Sometimes I just feel like completely giving up and at least when I'm miserable at family get-togethers, she'll know why. Lot of this just feels so messed up. Thanks everybody

WyndWytch 07/25/2013

it may not be that she is ignoring you she just may be having a busy week. i have the whole thing of sending a message n simeone signing off right after happen alot, that one is due to delays in software usually. i have had my niece who helped me come out go offline, n after i texted her to ask her something she told me she shut down her computer like 5 minutes earlier. so your cousin may have alreadyy been offline when you send the software just had to catch up. i would giver her a bit more time to get things settled on her end myself. if it keeps going this way then start to worry ;) its easy to doubt when you come out to people, you have just made yourself vulnerable to them so its an expect to be hurt when there is a slight shift.

Cbayne914 07/25/2013

I understand that Wynd, and I even figured that out to be the case. I had sent the message at 7:18 that night, and saw that she had seen it at 7:32. I figured she must have just been at work since she works nights too most of the week. But then something more happened yesterday. I went over to my cousin's (Her brother) and was going to try and tell him and their mom. (I didn't, just got too nervous). So then I messaged her saying I just couldn't spit it out. And she replied right back to me. We spoke for just a little about about that. But then when I came to the subject of getting together so she could teach me a little about makeup, since a dress rehearsal was suggested to me by my therapist, she never responded. But she even posted something on my facebook today, ( just a youtube clip), but hasn't answered that question. So I don't think she's ignoring me, but just that particular question which is really odd to me.

WyndWytch 07/26/2013

there is a comfort level she needs to reach and she isnt there yet. least thats what it sounds like to me. she will help but is still getting used to the idea. give her time.

Cbayne914 07/26/2013

Yeah I just can't figure it out. We're getting together for her daughter's birthday on the 4th, and then a family reunion on the 10th, so hopefully we can talk a little here and there, hopefully try and work something out. Because right now, I feel like when I have my next therapy session, I'll be walking in empty-handed.

WyndWytch 07/31/2013

you don't have to do anything on a set timeframe, so you won't be walking in empty handed you simply won't have had the chance yet. Any decent therapist will be understanding considering what you have dealt with. I think it will be okay either way. this dress rehearsal is just for the idea of coming out right? your therapist isn't trying to push you to alter your appearance are they?

Cbayne914 08/02/2013

No, not at all. She is trying to push me to come out to more people, but she's understanding. The dress rehearsal was just a suggestion made by her to sort of test the waters. See how I'd feel dressed up and out in public, though I don't think I'd go out in public right away unless it was to a dark bar or something lol. But yeah, I will feel like I'm walking in with not much to talk about, but at least that will give her more of a chance to sort of evaluate myself.

As for my cousin. Honestly seems like things have gotten worse. She never responds to any of my messages now. It used to just be messages about helping me and the like, but yesterday I asked her what her daughter wanted for her birthday and got nothing. It seriously feels like she's completely blowing me off. Which pisses me off because it's like why tell someone you'd be there to help them and support them, but then do neither of those? Whatever though, I don't care anymore about that. If she didn't want to help, she shouldn't have said that she did. I'm going to try and come out to another cousin this weekend and then their mom sometime next week since I need to cut my hair cut and she's a hair stylist. So I hope that all goes well

WyndWytch 08/12/2013

sorry I had such a long delay in responding, the last few weeks have been a tornado of stuff so I haven't been able to get on much. Did you ever come out to your other cousin? Cute new profile pic by the way ;)

Cbayne914 08/13/2013

No I haven't come out to him yet. Trying, but difficult. Tried coming out to my aunt last Monday, but couldn't do it. Only had 1 plan in store that would've helped me tell her and that didn't work. I had told her that morning that my plans had gotten cancelled, was hoping she would ask what those plans were and I would've said 'Therapy' and then go on. But she didn't ask lol. So I told my cousin, that I have told, that she can tell her mom about me. But I didn't tell her like, if her mom has any questions or whatnot she can message me or something. Just told her not to tell my mom or grandma. But I don't think she's told her mom yet cause I was over at their house on Saturday for a party and she didn't say anything to me. So just waiting I guess.

And thank you so much for the comment on my new pic :) I Had the week alone since my family went on vacation, and I mae the most out of the opportunity :)

WyndWytch 08/14/2013

well I think there will always be those ones that you will not be sure bout telling and will back out. Follow your gut, it is going to tell you when you need to do things. It is how I have progressed through mine thus far, I take a step and wait, my gut tells me I need to do X next and pulls me to do it till I do :P you will get there, just takes a while.

Cbayne914 08/14/2013

Well for now I'm just working on myself :) Still losing weight and I've even been buying some new clothes :) Also still trying to meet with my cousin and learn a thing or two about makeup lol but everytime I ask she never responds or responds a week later. It's just like "eh" now lol.

But for me, it's like I can plan out 1 way on how to bring it up. Like with my cousin, I knew exactly how that conversation would go, so it was a little easier. I asked her to meet with me cause there was something I needed to tell her. Like I was ready to tell her and knew how. With my aunt and rest of the family, it's just like bringing it up out of the blue, and that's tough. I had a plan with my aunt, didn't work. So now I'm kinda lost. As for my other cousin. Well I've tried with him. But everytime I've seen now he's got other friends around and that's even more uncomfortable. I wouldn't mind if his girlfriend was there because she has a best friend who is transgender. But when he's got other people around it's difficult. Especially this one kid he hangs with, just ugh lol. Like this kid has no manners or anything. So if I could get him alone or just with his gf, I might have a bit of an easier time. But just gotta wait and be myself til then :)

WyndWytch 08/15/2013

often times planning is part of the problem. There are times that you have to live by thinking on your feet. This is one of those things I think. You resign yourself to doing it and then you go and figure out how to get the topic in while you are there. Human interaction rarely goes the way we plan so when we plan to do things a certain way, they never quite get there. I am fortunate in that thinking on my feet is one thing I am very good at.

Cbayne914 08/16/2013

Lol well I am not very good at it. I'm really one of those "uhhhhh ummmm uhhhhh oh!" people lol. Like I don't try to plan to specifically, but I like to try and think "well if this is asked or brought up, then it would be a good time to say something". Unfortunately, like you said, it rarely goes the way I plan for it. Just gotta keep working at it I guess :)

WyndWytch 08/16/2013

you'll get there :D just gotta work at it is all :P

Cbayne914 08/16/2013

Yes I suppose so :) I've actually been talking to my cousin a bit more over the last week. Hopefully on Tuesday she'll message or call or whatever so we can together.

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