Coming Out Support Group

This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men and lesbian women face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.

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Lesbian & Gay
/ Coming Out Support Group

Coming out to myself

ALR03
ALR03

I'm having a hard time coming out to myself. I never thought it was important to me to identify with anything specific and I do think it is silly but I have been struggling with it. I "came out" in 2015 as bisexual and have been dating a girl since then. We are very happy together and I wouldn't change anything about our relationship. But sometimes people will say something like oh you're gay and it just rubs me the wrong way, all labels do really (straight, bi, etc.) and I don't know why. Maybe it is because of how I was raised? I was never told that is was wrong but I was also never told it was acceptable to be gay. I just want to accept myself and be comfortable with who that is. I feel lost. Any feedback is welcome.

AllieKitty
AllieKitty
Well, let me ask you this, how do you feel about gay people in general? What thoughts or emotions come up when you get called gay? I dislike labels too and always have, it feels suffocating and boxes me into corners. It also feels like judgment when someone insists on labeling others as either a, b, or c without room for growth or fluidity. I always have to explain what pansexual is and at the moment it seems to be the best "label" that fits. If they still insist on placing their own label or interpretation on me or others, then that's their limited view/understanding and choice to do so. As long as you are are happy and accept who you are (or who you're not) and how you view yourself (even if you haven't completely figured it out yet), that is really all that matters in the end.
Twist
Twist
I get lable all the time and than beat up :(
ALR03
ALR03
I love gay people, I wouldn't say I have any negative feelings towards them at all. I actually get happy when I meet or see someone who I think might identify as gay. When someone calls me gay I get a lot of mixed feelings like oh maybe I am and sometimes I just feel like eh I don't feel like that's accurate and kind of like I'm some kind of imposter. Does that even make sense? I hate labels the same way but I also feel like maybe I need one to feel...complete? Ive been told that I am pansexual before as well. I don't think I've been able to accept myself even though I've been dating a girl for almost 2 years. I don't feel like I was ever able to explore my sexuality completely either, I started dating women briefly and then I got into a long term relationship pretty much right away. I don't even know how I view myself. I've always just said I'm female and I just happen to be dating another girl and left it at that.
AllieKitty
AllieKitty
Yes, all of that does make sense. Do you feel like you might need a label to feel complete or to feel like you've finally figured it out and know who you are? When do you feel like you haven't accepted your sexuality completely (like usually under what circumstances or situations)? I actually like how you've phrased it and just because you're currently dating another girl, doesn't mean you can't date whomever you want in the future and still be happy. For me personally, I think it'd be a lot easier to accept myself fully if society didn't care who the heck I dated and celebrated love, period. I get excited seeing gay families but it makes me sad at the same time because they're not that common or part of the norm, which keeps me conscious of the fact that my family and I will always stand out.