Coming Out Support Group

This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men and lesbian women face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.

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donovich 08/09/2017

First, slightly complex background. I am struggling with my sexuality. I say polysexual but I'm really just into guys and agender folk. More comfortable with Polysexual though since that isn't always true. I came out as FTM trans and want to transition to male but am agender (subgender to be exact). So long story short, I'm mostly just a gay guy.

My dad and I aren't close at all. He came into my life 2 years ago and we've talked a handfull of times over fb since. Nothing else. We haven't talked in months. I'm going to be transitioning medically soon and haven't come out yet to him. He's not what you would want in my situation. He's transphobic, homobophic, close minded, against lgbt in general, all things I wouldn't want.

How can I come out? Even if he doesn't accept it, I want to come out. What do I say? I don't know where to start or how to start the conversation.

WyndWytch 08/10/2017

well there's really going to only be one way and that's just to come out with it. That you are not close may be a blessing if he takes it poorly but I think just being straight out with it all is probably the best way. Since you don't talk often beating around the bush will just be harder on you. If you are straight forward and to the point, if he responds, its going to be his answer ultimately. you wont have to respond, wait, respond, wait... so on.

Starsister 08/18/2017

Sounds like it is writing anyway so that should be safer. You don't have to explain any or all of the complexities you describe on here. Especially if you are not close, he doesn't need to know or understand who you are attracted to or why. Your sex life is none of his business. You don't need to use terms he will be far from understanding either, unless you want to get into long complex discussions that could feel discounting and laborious. Just use some general term he might have heard, like transgender, or queer. We are understanding now more than ever how much more complex gender and sexuality is than previous generations e er dreamed of. Don't expect him to understand, just let him know you are exploring who you are but you know it's not straight or binary. Put your energy into communicating with people who can "get it" so you have a good support system and community available. If you are going to be looking differently, just give him a heads up that you have changed your appearance. You doing have to explain or justify anything to him, or anyone.

Gutted 10/03/2017

I say wait until the transition is complete. If you really aren't all that close, he probably won't see it as a trust violation. The last thing you need during a transition is the added stress of dealing with a homophobic parent. They'll be plenty of time for dealing with him later. You don't own him anything. Put yourself first.

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