Coma Support Group

A coma is a profound state of unconsciousness. A comatose patient cannot be awakened, fails to respond normally to pain or light, does not have sleep-wake cycles, and does not take voluntary actions. Coma may result from a variety of conditions, including intoxication, metabolic abnormalities, central nervous system diseases, and hypoxia.

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Brain & Nervous System
/ Coma Support Group

Has waking from the Coma killed my marriage

Surviver
Surviver

Hi, I'm new to the group and would like some advice.  I was in a medically induced coma 3yrs ago and my husband was told to prepare for the worst however I survived and woke up 4 days later.  My marriage was never a fairy tale but since waking I feel that my husband sometimes wishes I hadn't.  I put this question to him however he never responded, didn't acknowledge it and left the room.  Am I reading too much into this, do I have issues or was this confirmation?  We have a 4yr old so I don't want my insecurity to drive a wedge between us however I also don't want to remain married to someone who wishes I didn't wake up regardless of how much I love him!  Has anyone had a similar experience?  Am I crazy to think this? Could he have unresolved issues around the experience or do I just wise up and walk out? Thanks.

AliveAgain
AliveAgain
What led to your coma? For me, the illness and coma (and post-coma experiences) were traumatic. I tell my parents every cell in my body was "scrambled". It was, and continues to be a pivotal experience for me. I am sure it was for my spouse, kids, family, etc as well. Prior to my coma I was accepting of my marriage (~10 years married). It wasn't close to ideal- we had some major "downs" and I felt like I was the only one compromising. Coming out of the coma- I wasn't expected to live, I too felt like my husband was maybe disappointed I survived. And once I physically recovered I refused to settle in life any longer. I was extremely selfish in demanding a different "proof" of his love than he had ever provided before. And although I always thought he would choose me & our family, and that I wasn't asking him for much- nothing more than I had always given to him, it was too much and we separated and we are soon to be divorced.

So yes, I have had a similar experience, I think. He may have unresolved issues over your crisis but perhaps he is unable to express those to you, and that may have nothing at all to do with if he loves you or not. Do you have unresolved issues on the experience? That is all you can control, and since you are asking this question, I think you do (i.e. did he want me to survive or not). However, in my very painful experience, I think the answer to your question actually does not depend on the contribution of your husband. You survived and 3 years later your husband has stayed with you. What other proof do you need from him that would really help answer your question?