Can't really tell the difference. I am still flying on autopilot since my diagnosis in Dec. 2008.

It's like a shock to the system after 10 treatments you have got into the routine of doing chemo, also sub-consciously there is that feeling whilst you are doing chemo it's attacking the cancer and you getting some form of protection now you are not doing chemo all of a sudden you feel exposed again. Also your life is now not governed by doing chemo and you are free to do what you want, on the face of it finishing chemo shouldn't be a big thing however all things considered I think it is a big change to make.

I still go through periodic bouts of PTSD like symptoms. It was a huge shock; the diagnosis, the radiation, the surgery, the chemo, the disruption to my life. During actual treatment I think I was just on autopilot and didn't mentally/emotionally process a lot of what was going on.

I suffered classic symptoms of PTSD after I finished chemo for my first cancer in 1997, and again after my last diagnosis when I didn't get chemo. People who have been victims of crime or have fought in wars or been through a tragedy like 9/11 are offered counseling. All my friends who were near the WTC on 9/11 got counseling. Usually, cancer survivors don't. But cancer can be like our own personal 9/11. My friend, the psychiatrist, says that PTSD causes actually changes in the brain that show up on MRI and PET-scans. I'm thinking of writing a journal entry about it when I have time. Will let you know when I do.

In the meantime, thumbs up to all of us for our courage!

Yes, I think you all are right. The last 8 months have had a huge impact. I think it's true during surgery and treatment I was on autopilot now it feels like a waiting game and I have lost some of the security I felt chemo was giving me, albeit unpleasant security.

I am back to work now and that is helping a lot to keep my mind off myself. I'm also exercising and concentrating on keeping my weight at a healthy level. I also eat a lot better since my surgery and generally feel better without those 18 inches of colon they removed!

I will go for treatment 9 of 12 next Monday. The Doc stopped the Oxalaplatin after Tx7. I am anxiously waiting for it to be over but I guess it will never be over. Wondering if it is truely gone or if it will come back. My midway CT Scan was clear but its scary isn't it. I was hoping that only 5-FU would be easier on nausea and I guess it was. What I had did not last as long as with the Oxalaplatin also. And my fingers and toes are a tiny bit happier with me. I just hope when it's over I am not so tired all the time.. One day at a time.. yep.. that's the only way to take life and enjoy every second.. good or bad. Even if it's bad you are still breathing!!!

Thanks for posting this. I've been in such a funk and can't really pin it on anything. I'm feeling like a hypochondriac. I worry about every ache and keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm hoping this 'phase' will pass. As always, it's nice to hear that others are/have had the same feelings.

I've been thinking more about this. I recently saw the results of a study showing that lung cancer patients who received counseling lived longer than those who were just treated for physical symptoms. So I did some research and came across a peer-reviewed article from 2008 that reviewed the scientific literature and concluded that antidepressants may help people fight cancer by boosting the immune system. I saw a therapist after my first cancer diagnosis and took anti-depressants for a year, and here I am 14 years later, having survived an "incurable" cancer. So I'm not pushing therapy on anyone (it's a very personal choice) but I've decided to quit trying to be super woman and see a therapist again. I'm calling today. Ironically, we are offered free (confidential) therapy at work because I have such a high stress job. Also, ironically, most people think I'm super strong and super happy. Yet I know I'm not back to the person I was before this last diagnosis, and I love life too much to live less than 100%. Just food for thought.