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Last October I ended a relationship with my girlfriend of two years. For more details about that (and to help me with a different problem), please read my journal. Shortly after we broke up, the college deans contacted me, saying that my ex had reported me for stalking and for breaking into her email and facebook profiles.
I'm not sure if it's worth getting into the details, but our relationship was very up and down and dragged on for a year longer than it should have. We both checked each other's social media profiles on a weekly basis to catch each other cheating and flirting with other people. And since every time we broke up we ended up back together a few days later, I don't understand how my behavior was ever stalking. We never had a conversation that seemed final, since we were so back and forth, and essentially our relationship was ended by her going to the deans as a way to have them intervene in our relationship.
Since then, I haven't been allowed to speak to anyone except one unresponsive dean about the entire situation, and I have been issued a no contact order, where if I try to contact my ex, I will be instantly kicked out of school.
Needless to say, I haven't tried to contact her (and in fact it's been very good for me not to talk to her). This past year has been incredibly difficult as I've kept this big secret bottled up and been subjected to interviews by a lawyer, written statements, and been questioned by a disciplinary panel. Finally after 6 months of this, my verdict has been delivered: a one-term suspension.
_______
Though I have clearly been found guilty, I guess I still feel as though there has been an injustice. Firstly, I have spent this entire year studying abroad in the UK, so I haven't been anywhere near my ex. She, meanwhile, graduates this May, so if I were to come back in September, she wouldn't be around at all. Then there's the fact that my family lives in the same town that my college is located in, and in fact, it takes less than five minutes for me to walk from my front door to the center of campus. Being suspended will mean that I can't be on campus, but in such a small town, the town IS the campus, so essentially I've been barred from my hometown (or put on house arrest, depending on how I spend the fall).
There's other complaints I have; for example, my thesis project has already been arranged, and my thesis advisor is taking a sabbatical in the 2016-2017 school year, which means that now I won't be able to complete it. And obviously this greatly limits the time I'll have with the friends that I haven't been able to see all year, and now will only see for one last semester.
______
This summer, I've been offered an internship in Boston, which I'm very excited about. After I graduate from college, my plan has been to get a job in Boston while I catch up on premedical coursework so that I can apply to medical school. So the best thing I can think of is for me to hope and pray that my supervisor this summer likes me enough to take me on for an additional 4 months. Maybe I could get started on those premed classes.
One of the hardest things about this is the mandated secrecy. The only other people I could talk to about this are my parents, but I haven't told them yet and I can't imagine that they would make the situation any better. It seems now like appealing my suspension would be useless, and having my parents in the loop would just add stress and I don't want to have to put up with other people telling me how shitty I am when I already can't bear looking in the mirror.
And what am I supposed to say to my friends, most of whom I will now only get to see for about 3 months, sometime next year? That I just randomly decided to leave for a semester? I have a pretty small friend group - there's about 6 people that I really care about and we always hang out together, but I can't say a word about what's really going on.
______
I feel like all of these side effects from the suspension weren't really considered by the school, and that really they were just looking at my case without trying to understand the context of who I was. I've just been run through a system and the punishment has been spit out, as per school policy.
Is it worth trying to appeal? What can I do to stay positive and make the most out of my time out of school? What are some things I can tell my friends and family? Please please help me in any way you can. Thank you so much for reading, and I'm sorry for rambling on for so long.
I'm not sure if it's worth getting into the details, but our relationship was very up and down and dragged on for a year longer than it should have. We both checked each other's social media profiles on a weekly basis to catch each other cheating and flirting with other people. And since every time we broke up we ended up back together a few days later, I don't understand how my behavior was ever stalking. We never had a conversation that seemed final, since we were so back and forth, and essentially our relationship was ended by her going to the deans as a way to have them intervene in our relationship.
Since then, I haven't been allowed to speak to anyone except one unresponsive dean about the entire situation, and I have been issued a no contact order, where if I try to contact my ex, I will be instantly kicked out of school.
Needless to say, I haven't tried to contact her (and in fact it's been very good for me not to talk to her). This past year has been incredibly difficult as I've kept this big secret bottled up and been subjected to interviews by a lawyer, written statements, and been questioned by a disciplinary panel. Finally after 6 months of this, my verdict has been delivered: a one-term suspension.
_______
Though I have clearly been found guilty, I guess I still feel as though there has been an injustice. Firstly, I have spent this entire year studying abroad in the UK, so I haven't been anywhere near my ex. She, meanwhile, graduates this May, so if I were to come back in September, she wouldn't be around at all. Then there's the fact that my family lives in the same town that my college is located in, and in fact, it takes less than five minutes for me to walk from my front door to the center of campus. Being suspended will mean that I can't be on campus, but in such a small town, the town IS the campus, so essentially I've been barred from my hometown (or put on house arrest, depending on how I spend the fall).
There's other complaints I have; for example, my thesis project has already been arranged, and my thesis advisor is taking a sabbatical in the 2016-2017 school year, which means that now I won't be able to complete it. And obviously this greatly limits the time I'll have with the friends that I haven't been able to see all year, and now will only see for one last semester.
______
This summer, I've been offered an internship in Boston, which I'm very excited about. After I graduate from college, my plan has been to get a job in Boston while I catch up on premedical coursework so that I can apply to medical school. So the best thing I can think of is for me to hope and pray that my supervisor this summer likes me enough to take me on for an additional 4 months. Maybe I could get started on those premed classes.
One of the hardest things about this is the mandated secrecy. The only other people I could talk to about this are my parents, but I haven't told them yet and I can't imagine that they would make the situation any better. It seems now like appealing my suspension would be useless, and having my parents in the loop would just add stress and I don't want to have to put up with other people telling me how shitty I am when I already can't bear looking in the mirror.
And what am I supposed to say to my friends, most of whom I will now only get to see for about 3 months, sometime next year? That I just randomly decided to leave for a semester? I have a pretty small friend group - there's about 6 people that I really care about and we always hang out together, but I can't say a word about what's really going on.
______
I feel like all of these side effects from the suspension weren't really considered by the school, and that really they were just looking at my case without trying to understand the context of who I was. I've just been run through a system and the punishment has been spit out, as per school policy.
Is it worth trying to appeal? What can I do to stay positive and make the most out of my time out of school? What are some things I can tell my friends and family? Please please help me in any way you can. Thank you so much for reading, and I'm sorry for rambling on for so long.
SongofRoland
Since your post is from awhile ago, I'm not sure if this helps, but I really really hope that you are okay! My advice would probably have been to appeal if you think it might make a difference, but not if the appeal process is sure to be stressful. And perhaps you could ask for advice from a counsellor &/or lawyer about how to adjust?
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