hi. i just started going to college a month ago. before coming here, i've been seeking help for recovery and healing from the traumatic experiences i've had due to my family. this is stopping me from being able to productively and effectively make friendships. i need help. i had to go home from mid last week to the weekend and felt like i re experienced the trauma. it was detrimental for my healing. it makes me feel 100x more isolated. and even back in my dorm at college, i feel trapped and afraid by my father and family. i feel as if something very painful may happen if i don't uphold our "relationship" but when i do try to maintain it i get hurt anyways. i was doing so well socially before having to go back home. next time they request that i come home i am going to refuse. but it just feels like no one has my back since i haven't told anyone at college about this abuse/trauma and i feel utterly alone. i really wish i didn't go home last week. i feel 100 times worse today than i did this same time last week. i'm just having a really hard time.