Many months ago I wrote about when I was laid up helpless with a shattered broken right ankle which had reconstructive surgery, and became codependent to my domineering mean spirited son, who saw me as vulnerable, fragile, submissive and took advantage. That was his practice ground to continuing a domineering mean attitude and disrespeact for me as his mother. Since then July 19, 2010 I got the cast off and am able to walk with a cane and have been growing stronger and more limber in my ankle. I can get around and do things. I was less codependent with my mean spirited son who lives with us (me & my grown up ex military disabled daughter) for a brief time.
Yet he continues to be mean spirited to us, not responding when we knock on his door, cold and ruthless. Such an occasion took place late Sunday afternoon Aug 8. My daughter offered help to him to clean up and reorganize his bedroom since she had energy and wasn't in pain. He rudely shut her out and slammed his door. Several times I knocked on his door and asked him not to be rude to her to let her help him. I got silent treatment and was rudely ignored. I told him to respond and not be disrespectful to his mother. Later he came down the steps and stood over me several steps above and yelled at me for interrupting his silent thought processes, that he was too paralyzed in confused thoughts to respond. He twisted accusations against my daughter and me and made us out to be the bad people, when he was mean and cold and hostile. Finally he relented and allowed his sister to help him with his big messy room to clean & reorganize it.
I thought progress was made but he came back at me the other night. He twisted things around against us. He attempted to pursuade me to apologize for our "oppression" of him. It has not been us oppressing him, but his mean spirit, coldness, uncooperativeness , and belittling me that has been at issue. My daughter told her pain mgmt group of what all happened.
The group and the counselor told her, her brother is being irrational, justifies his mean spirited behaviors toward us. We are not at fault. He is the abuser and we need to lay down house rules. We tried laying down house hold rules but he ignores them. Next they suggested we kick him out. Because he is on the mortgage and contributes financially, we can't ask him to leave. She & I won't be able to afford the mortgage. He refuses to get counseling as a marine veteran of Iraq.

So my daughter and I are stuck with a brother son who is very mean and negative and twists things irrationally and justifies his mistreatment of us. I have become codependent once more with him. Any ideas you have would be appreciated. I also ask for your prayers that God would heal him emotionally from his father's abandonment of our family when he was little.
I thought of some ideas:
1. When he approaches me to domineering me, I can simply reply, I'm not going to let you domineer and disrepect me. I your mother. Then get up and leave. Go to my room or else where.
2. Don't put myself in submissive position or assume a submissive position by which he perceives me as weak frail and fragile and takes advantage of it.
3. Take a more assertive position & demeanor.
4. Lay down rules of household; he needs to do dishes and pick up household & room.
5. Don't be so soft spoken but be assertive.
6. Do not go with him to his church because he becomes more aggressive.
7. Don't reward his bad behavior by doing him favors.

What are your ideas and insights?