I am a 62 year old retired overweight lady artist poet who resides in beautiful Hawaii with my middle daughter and middle son who own our house. Two other sons live on the mainland. Mid April when I went swimming with my daughter I tried getting out of the wavy water, which pounced me against the beach. My right ankle buckled and broke and I crawled up the beach. I had painful reconstructive surgery and am laid up in a cast on the LR couch, debilitated and dependent on my grown children for assistance.
Through out my child rearing years I always took care of my children and treated and reared them well to be responsible adults, even after my divorce. All my children have been attentive and helpful to me especially at this laid up time of slow healing of my ankle due to osteoporosis. Except for my middle son who seems to resent me, he would not recognize Mother's Day, not my birthday coming up nor Christmas. His attitude is very negative, he complains about his own minor aches & pains and refuses to take responsibility for the household. He also told me he has been angry & stubborn most of his life about his father's abandonment of the family and mistreatment of us. He has deep rooted problems & issues, but won't see a counselor.
I have listened to him and have a soft heart for him, but he talks over me in an oppressive manner as I lay reclined on the sofa in a lot of pain with my leg up so it doesn't swell. He takes advantage of my vulnerable condition and belittles me. It is hard to speak up from such a laying down position and I have nothing to threaten him with. Then he plays silent treatment games threatening to cut off all communications, which made me feel sad and more vulnerable. My daughter and youngest air force son who came to visit us & help out two weeks, pointed out that over the years I had spoiled the middle son, who needs to grow up! They said he is mistreating his mother as their dad mistreated me all those years. They stood up for me and admonished me not to give into the middle son's games. Each night there are family quarrels, fights, very negative atmosphere undermines my peace of mind and healing. I have anxiety & depression, for which I am on meds, which help a little. But the root problems lay with negative family dynamics.
I am house bound, on crutches, unable to bear weight on my right ankle in a cast and unable to get down the front steep steps. So I can't go out and do my own thing, but put up with the mess & oppression.
Looking at this I realize I am codependent with my middle son. What can I do? What kind of leverage can I use? I started pulling back my listening ear from him and try not to let him see or know how vulnerable I am. Don't let him push my buttons. My middle daughter after she gets her disabled veterans claim, threatens to lawyer up and kick him off the mortgage & out of the house. It would financially impinge on us. He doesn't care! Anybody out there reading this, if you have insights or good advice about this, let me know. Thank you.