I said no to myself as far as my son goes, my true feelings of him blowing off our plans with no contact. Yet I felt angry and letting him know my 'feelings were hurt' was not enough because he was let off the hook for his behavior. I sent an "I' statement email letting him know of my feelings, yet that did not suffice as I still heard nothing back from him. Last night he called 3 days after the blow off and I had serious concerns about controlling my mouth. I feel our relationship is on the rocks, and I'm not going to accept "I forgot" which is his typical, or "I couldn't get a ride to"...just excuses, no excuse for not calling to cancel...I didn't expound farther...will wait to see if there is a response to my e-mail....will take my own issues to my therapist on wednesday.
Last night, also a change of plans from a gal who Always changes plans to what 'she' wants to do. At first I agreed to change from a nice lunch at a nice restaurant...she changed plans to go to an upscale thrift store and cheaper restaurant. Well I don't need or want cloths and have to dish out 250.00 for the next 4 months for my teeth bill...so for the first time, I said No to her new plan, and took care of what I Needed.
All of this type of behavior on my part is new and unsettling....also leading to more isolation on my own life which is not a good thing. Today I'm going to do Extra Special Self Care...it's raining out where the forecast said sun...so I'm off to take a nice shower, dress, go to the library to get some books....normally I'd be playing on computer games, waste the day away and stay upset.
I acknowledge I have no power change my son's behavior, nor my friends behavior...I do have choices to respect myself and not fall into the trap of 'pleasing' or "disrespecting" myself by not using my voice to say No.
I realized this past week that I need to take the time to grieve. I lived a lot of years throughout my life where I couldn't do any grieving because I was so distracted and busy caring for others and being entrenched in unhealthy attachments that I just kept putting it off and stuffing it down. Now that my youngest has moved out, I have more time to just "be" and the emotions are starting to...
I'm pretty sure im in one. But not sure.