Codependents working their recovery Community Group

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DeJa 07/30/2018

Oh my do I stuggle in this area - rehashing in my mind over and over something that has happened. Always trying to figure out why someone does the hurtful things they do. Ruminating causes me to relive too many things I would rather forget. However, I am pretty good about not discussing it with them, just drive my own self crazy thinking about it! It's exhausting! My codependent self constantly asking what could I have done different, you know the what ifs, if onlys...

SimpsonsOK 07/30/2018

Know them well DeJa. They come right along with the coulda, shoulda, woulda triplets. It took a long time for me to break that habit. People are who they are. I also found that I, as 20% of the population are, an HSP, a highly sensitive person. You can find the quiz on a search. We see what others don't. Just who we are. Comforting hugs.

mirandac 07/30/2018

Alanon does help you with these types
Of relationships. It just takes chair time
and Getting strong enough to decide
whats In your own best interest. Hugs

SimpsonsOK 07/31/2018

DeJa, I learned that if I shared how I felt about their words or actions, they would turn it around on me, and make me out as the bad or wrong one. Healthy people listen; mean ones don't. I no longer try to mind read or spend time reliving the hurt. I do get distance from them as far as possible. Sometimes I just say: whatever and shrug my shoulders. If they persist, I let them know that they have a right to their opinion. No additional words. There's an AA book called "Living Sober", which also fits us codependents. It includes the what ifs and if onlys, along with many other dysfunctional thinking. Comforting hugs.

mirandac 07/31/2018

There is so much to move thru for us to get
Emotionally and spiritually healthy ourselves.

We often have a lifetime of muck to move Thru,
face and deal with and try to let go of some of
Our own baggage.

Recovery is truly layer by layer and it has Been
very slow for me and my ex had not Been active
our whole 30 year marriage.

Hang in there this recovery is just for you not Him.
Detachment and working on myself was my Goal
Or at least after awhile when i finally got sane.

Simpson is right the healthier i got the less I
could stand being around dysfunction and Crazy.
My alarm bells go off and i want to Get away
from them.

Normal people treat you with respect and
Curtesy and have no reason to mess with
you. Why would they?

I call the toxic ones, bad guys. They will never
Hear you or see you. That is not their agenda
Nor will it ever be. You just need to face that
To move on.

Not saying your marriage is not salvagable.
Thats between you two but alanon will and
Does Help with dealing with an active A and
us Getting some sanity going, HUGS

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