I am at a better place with my ex and his wife than I have ever been.  I can actually have a conversation with him on the phone and keep my cool.  When either one of them does something annoying I just do an eyeroll, chalk it up to them being them, and move on with my life. 

What I'm struggling with is the double identity crisis.  

Years ago I went to going away party for my mother when she moved out of the town where I was raised and she had lived for more then 30 years.  At this party many people priased my mother non-stop.  While I was there I realized, these people had absolutely no clue about how my mother had abused me and my siblings for so many years.  And if I did happen to mention it to any of them, they probably wouldn't have believed me. 

Now at this point in my life I understand and know that my mother was both of these individuals.  She was a very talented woman who was nice and blessed many people's lives.  She was also harsh, cruel, and abusive to her children.  That side was hidden from the public.  I am able to handle it when someone gushes to me about my mother, because the things they say about her do have truth to them. 

My struggle is with my ex and his wife.  The abuses they have heaped on me I am still grieving.  When I hear a mutual acquaintance lavish praises on my ex and his wife, calling them angelic or saying they are religious, inspiring people my immediate reaction is wanting to retch.  Their abuses of me are far from being holy and spiritually minded. The facade they put up for other people is just that, fake, with no substance behind it. 

For some reason, when other people herald my ex and his wife it is so triggering for me. Maybe, unlike my mother, I know that the claims about my ex and his wife are false and built upon lies.  I don't know.  My reaction to hearing anyone praise my ex is so strong that I have had to distance myself from those acquaintances that do so.  I can't handle it. 

It's like Biden and his abuse accuser.  As soon as Tara Reade came forward, 70+ women who had worked with Biden all said he was a complete gentleman, discounting Reade's story.  As if numbers prove or disprove abuse. I'm sure both my ex and his wife could find 200+ people that would vouch for them being great people, but that wouldn't make my abuse be a false story. It happened, they did it, and they justified their abuse to me saying that they were free to abuse me because I deserved it.  

Perhaps that is my biggest struggle, that because someone thinks my ex is angelic that feels like it negates my abuse.