First i noticed mental distraction when I was
Working and then i noticed i was Becoming
very frustrated.

I came to the conclusion maybe I am pushing
myself too hard emotionally. I need to ease up.
Just go about my business of self care and let
the emotional stuff just work Itself out.

I found a few years earlier the more i pushed
myself To be more ready emotionally than i
was i started going backwards instead from
heavy inner distress and resistance.

My body was revolting and at that time i just
put that stuff in my God Box for later on. Its
probably that stubborn willful inner child At
work :) HUGS

Mirandac, showers of calming and restful hugs. I also have found that I need breaks from the work to let things settle in.

I had been negatively programmed since I was two years old so the way I look at it is it took me a long time to get this way so it will take me a long time to free myself from the chains of my ego.

About a year ago, I had made so much progress, I was climbing the walls, I was so excited but for some reason, I took a few steps back and I got extremely frustrated. Maybe I had fallen back into the same old mold and didn't think I was worthy of happiness. But I stuck with my lessons and have made progress and although I am not where I use to be when I was ecstatic, I am at least making progress. Sure there are some days when I will take two steps forward and one step back but at least I am making progress even though it makes me want to quit because I am not improving fast enough. That's ok because I will keep doing what I am doing until my mind is completely at peace!

God Bless

Thank you both for the support.

It was Just really weird the way things
started Changing. I was getting Worried
About my distraction and i was messing
Up paperwork that is very unusual for me
Then the Frustration started.

I will just keep moving Forward without
pushing it. I know i still have a lot of stored
Up grief and trauma.

That might be getting triggered too. Just
let It all flow without judgement or worry.
It Is what it is. I will Hand it over to God if i
can Not deal with it, HUGS

Thank you for letting me blow it out.

I am at the age i do worry about my short
term memory loss. I hope and pray its just
distraction that is happening. I told the
Nurse to keep a sharp eye on me lately.

I did go in for a hearing aid test and i need
Them badly. That should help me process
More and better. They are just very expensive
And not covered unless thru a government
Plan or the VA. I have been tested three other
Times and i was cuspy then.

Of all times for job and work changes when
I am in a cognitive flux of whats going on.

Codependency is a such a Deep issue and
it comes out in So many ways and forms. My
Body and emotional health certainly show it.

I do think ACOA is triggering me too. Its the
Old buried stuff. I have not had any real ah ha
Moments yet. i keep showing up though, HUGS

Don’t pressure yourself you’re doing the best you can .
It’s easy to have this idea of an energy goal , but it’s a daily thing and deep work healing Is a process.

Agree with the above comments it took many years of programming to be this was we can’t just suddenly have all the answers.

I was with my little
Cousins the other day aged 1 and 3, it made me think how much love , nurture , care etc is needed to develop into healthy adults .... that’s what was missing in us codependents throughout our child hood .., it just made me realise to become more patient with myself ... it’s not easy .

Thank you Salina for your support
And yes they are all very deep issues.

I put some baby/young photos of
Myself on my Phone to look at it
does help to See them.

I really feel no connection to either
Parent. With us older children my
Oldest brother was our go to person
If scared or troubled. He died in 2002
From a grand mal seizure.

I really don't Remember my mother
giving comfort. There were 8 kids and
that was just the way It was. We all
Survived and my father left us after
His remarriage. My step Father was
good to us he had his own issues
Though and their marriage turned
Toxic after awhile.

I took care of my two youngest sisters
And tried to protect them as best as
I could. I was only 7 and 8 years older
Than they were. I had two younger
Brothers to0 3 and 4 years younger.

My ex is the one that tops all the rest.
I thought i was safe, okay and protected.
My house of cards fell down all around
Me.

Patience and self compassion are things
I strive for and work hard on and i try to be
very mindful of. I had none So its newly
learned Behaviors. Going to church and
Shoring up that side of myself does help,
HUGS

such a relief to get online and see that I am not the only one feeling frustration - and I'll add depression. Ive just spent several minutes trying to dial into either a al-anon or CoDa bridge calls and had missed them all. Being able to listen to ya'll share has helped me a lot right now and brought down my anxiety . Something about knowing we are not alone and this is a safe place...thanks so much

We are a safe group on here. We do Try to
be supportive too. Just Keep on reaching
Out. I had no fear once i started, i Needed
help badly. When on bottom there is One
way and that is up. Keep on believing that
And you will move thru it all eventually.

Thats why i love 12 step groups too. It
helps so much Hearing your thoughts,
feelings and ideas coming out of Someone
elses mouth and it helps us to heal our
shame too. We are not so weird or so
Very different.

There are alanon and AA podcast if That
would help you, they are on youtube.

MIP alanon has Online meetings and a
General Discussion board.
http://alanon.activeboard.com/f94433/al-anon-family-group/

During the last 6 years i have suffered
From anxiety, depression, stress, my c-ptsd
Was acting up. It was a mix of fear, stress,
Codependency and so much uncertainy.

Rejection and abandonment are huge
Issues for us codependents. With my
Ex i think thats whats getting triggered
Still. He is my rabbit hole that i have to
Be extra careful not to fall into. But i Do
know i can climb back out and still Be
Okay. Hugs