Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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worse than i thought

stoneblu
stoneblu
i have struggled with codependency all my life, i have worked on it the past 20 years, got married about 3 years ago felt i have come so far with self-esteem, my husband and i separated 6 mos. ago because of his drug and alcohol abuse, i was planning to continue working on my issues and was feeling strong. Then an old boyfriend contacted me and within minutes i realized i was right back in same old mindset, felt like my old obsessions kicked in within seconds. I have been struggling with it for weeks. Amazed at how fast and furious these obsessive feelings came upon me.
Booky
Booky
Many people get it confused that they are codependent with some particular person, and it is not with any other person as the codependency is just inside of our self.

Some abuser or abusive relationship (like with parents) will create the codependency but we are not codependent with the abuser(s).

The problems of codependency are totally inside of our own mentality, inside our own heart and soul, and the only cure is inside of our self too.

So your codependency did not start all over again with that old BF, because you just need to heal your self.

Even if you go find some new BF who is healthy and well then you will still have the codependency attached to your self and that has nothing to do with the other people.

This link below has a twist to the definition of codependency and it works for me:
http://independentfew.wordpress.com/2014/10/13/codependency-definition/

And having the codependency in your self does not mean that now you have to beat up on your self - no - it means that now you need to start being considerate and respectful of your self, and give your self a long over due break.
TeelaNa
TeelaNa
If you ascribe to a higher power, maybe this was the perfect time for you to face something you hadn't faced yet. It may not feel like it, but you are stronger than you ever were and maybe you're experiencing something its time for you to face. If you've been working on your codependency for 20 years then you definitely must have some healthy coping mechanisms. Stick with what you've learned, your support and you can totally overcome this regardless of how hard it is. Good luck.
BrightSide987
BrightSide987
Being with drug and alcohol abusers the way you describe is the very definition of the illness of codepdency. Try ALANON meetings. Get a sponsor to help you real time. We tend to gravitate to what we know regardless of the damage to our self worth, and spirit.

TThe way you describe jumping back into relationship with the old bf sounds very much like you are codepdency on him.

Good luck