No...and in the future(which I'm sure you know this.) I would put myself and my responsibilities FIRST and also have boundaries in place to protect my own best interests.If you can then help and want to fine, but if you can't, you cant and that is just the way it is. It is not mean or selfish. Assuming that you are a codependent,since you are on here, we have to learn how to set boundaries and take care of ourselves in relationships so we aren't taken advantage of or victimized.
Try not to beat yourself up over a mistake, its how we all learn..Do what is right for you..
Hugs,
Ross

I know you are already being critical of your self, and you probably want some happy or positive responses, but I do not see how to do that.

My point is that you are saying that as if it is just "him" as in you made a mistake by loaning "him" the money, and really it is not him.

Not you, not me, not anyone is to ever loan out your rent money.

Not to him and not to anyone, as you are NEVER EVER to loan out your rent money - period.

And just for the record - it is not just rent - as you (we all) are never ever to loan out our gas money, or our food money, or for electric bill, or any money that we need.

The ONLY people to loan out money are people who have extra money, as in having EXTRA money that can be lost.

It does not matter that it was loaned to your BF, as you are NOT to make any such loan to anyone - NEVER EVER.

Do not loan to family, not to friends, not to lovers, not to anyone.

If you can afford to give away money then give it away, but loans are for fools.

That in codependency is referred to as a personal boundary onto your self.

You say that you want to explain the importance to him of why you need the money - and honestly you need to start explaining that to your self - and explain it to your self before you ever think about loaning out your own money that you your self need to survive.

You say that it is your fault for loaning him the money - but I say that is not accurate, as really it is your fault for failing to protect your self - because protecting your self is what we call your personal boundary.

My only suggestion for proceeding is to forget the BF about him paying you back, and instead maybe ask your landlord to give you a week or two for you to come up with the rent, or else try to sell something of value to raise the money your self.

I really do wish you well - but never loan any money ever again, and that will not make you as mean or unloving, because we all have to protect our selves and our own business.

Hi Alli: Your BF already knows you need the money and knows he shouldn't have borrowed it. You probably would be mad if you knew what he actually used it on.

You can't buy someone's loyalty, love, affection or a relationship with money. If you feel that you may possibly do this again, place your Dad in charge of your money. You want to be honest with yourself.

If it were me, I would put it on Facebook to let him and others see it in print that he borrowed that money and hasn't paid it back and you need it. In the meantime, you're probably going to have to get a second job.

You can't buy someone's loyalty, love, affection or a relationship with money.
ATGB: Hit this right on the head.

Sometimes we go out of our way and sacrifice ourselves to show the other person how loyal, kind, and giving we are to them. Hoping they will reciprocate and appreciate our undying love and affection.
I realize that at the end it only makes us look stupid as everyone around realized this except for us and we end up looking like a fool.
I don't know if telling him anymore than you already have is going to get your money back, if he doesn't have it then that's his answer I guess. However, I see no harm in Facebook message to tell him why you need it. If he cares about you he will understand that this is not about him anyway and if he doesn't have all the money, ask him to give back to you as much as he can it would at least help with the gas.

Thank you all, I really am taking to heart the words you have hared with me.

I need to start putting me before my BF's needs He called me this morning, but I didn't pick-up I figure since I still trying to work things out in my head it was better to not answer the phone.

I'm glad I have learned to take time before I send nasty messages. I have a therapy appointment on Tuesday and I'm going to talk it over with her before I do or say anything.

I need to pray for strength to have the strength to hold true to my convictions. I don't worry that he's going anywhere I have told him no in the past and he is still in my life.

Thank you all for being here.

Allicat

Hi Allicat: I think you have made some good points all by yourself and I very pleased about that and am proud of you for reaching that point.

I love that you said:

"He called me this morning, but I didn't pick-up I figure since I still trying to work things out in my head it was better to not answer the phone. I'm glad I have learned to take time before I send nasty messages."

THAT'S HUGE THAT'S YOU'VE LEARNED THAT ALREADY. You'll learn that you don't need to send nasty messages and to not even respond. Someone who isn't repaying the debt to you, is someone that doesn't really care about you. HE SHOULD BE WORKING AS MANY JOBS AS NECESSARY TO PAY YOU BACK AS FAST AS HE CAN.

K1003, I have done that a lot with my stbx in the past.What a learning process I have been through.
Taking care of us, is the best thing to do.....

I have lent money twice in the past, once to a really good friend (who paid me back when she said she would), and a small amount to one of my daugther's friends who was in some serious, life-threatening (literally) trouble, and I never got the money back. Both times I lent the money it was because I had it to lend. I had to be comfortable with the thought of never seeing it again. I didn't hurt my own finances. However, it did teach me a valuable lesson: people who borrow money because of their own stupid decisions will make another stupid decision by not paying you back. I won't do it again (now I couldn't financially even if I wanted to). When you have calmed down, tell him you need the money back so that you can pay your bills. And then don't ever lend him money again. If you don't get it back, then stop seeing him as he is not worth your time.

Sounds like you are realizing many things that will help you in your recovery. So that is great!

I can understand wanting to write on FB. You want to have exactly what you said written down so there is no way for him to mix up the words or confuse you.
HOWEVER; FB is much to public in my opinion.
Can you email him? that would give you the safety of having your exact wording in writing and allow for privacy.

And it sounds like you will never ever loan out your money unless all your every need is totally met first!
I'd include a new dress and pretty piece of jewelry with matching shoes at least every six months to that list of necessities. "Nothing makes a woman feel better about herself like a new outfit to wear." someone famous once said that. But the point is that little luxuries are necessities for you along with rent, utilities, food, gas, car repairs etc. You work hard for that money. You deserve a little fun as defined by you (it does not have to be the dress and shoes and jewels.)

Keep up the good work.
Sunny

you own him no explination. he knows that he borrowed money from bank. the bank does give a shit what he has to say all bank wants n will leagal get is thiet money back. they are aware that the barrower, being of sound mind knows that he owes bank money.
No the bank will not loan anybody mony that they know that son't have steady inme in which to pay the loan.
I personal would give written notice. I would a lot the barrower 1 wk to pay the loan off in full. if baorrower had not I would have chat with courts. No I don't give a shit about excuses nor will I allow someone to try to make me fele bad, so that they can manipulate me. abuser. users always try to play on weak emotions.
You really don't want to know what morgority of people think about boys who take money from woman.
Just because a male has a dick doesn't make him a man.
Don't be jjerked around and played for a fool.
Dump the abuser. you can do better. no you don't need someone to put a roof over your head for price of conventant sex.
There are state charitys n services that furnish housing that is bases on person income n person bills. My neighbor friend knows someone who only pays $55. for housing. she got/has housing by charity housing assistance program. she doesn't want a leach nor would she live w an abuser for price/ use of her body.
You are better than that. you are worth far more than you may realize. I know that you are above your abuser.
You deserve a better.
Above anything Pllease take care of your over all well being.. I don't care who I might need to step on, so that I can continue to take care of myself, I will do so.
XXX's