So sorry to hear your pain. There is hope, but it requires a lot of footwork. I hope you hold tightly to the pain this relationship has caused you long enough to find relief. I found that in 12-step programs, and even though I am struggling with my marriage, I know that I am the only one standing between me and healthy relationships. I need to get out of the way and let God remove the wounds and defects that keep me stuck in harmful situations. I hope you find your way into an Al-Anon or CoDA meeting and get some hope (and help)!!

When a person is in pain then they strike outward onto others.

He is in pain and he gave you a share in his pain - thus the essance of codependency.

You feel worthless because he projected that feeling onto you.

What you really need is to learn detachment, and here is a great link to it below;

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/

It is not truly other people's fault that they give us their negativity to us as much as it is our own fault for accepting it.

There are lots of negative people in this world and many people striking out in pain and unhappiness and your guy is not the only one.

That is why we have to learn detachment because then even when we do get sucked in again then you do not get knocked down and trampled every time.

I say this is one of the best things about treating codependency in that it empowers us over the negative garbage in this world.

Hi. I just joied this group and hope to give and receive support. First of all-hang in there. Secondly, I don't know if oyu have read Women Who Love Too Much, but it has helped me recognize some behaviors that you are describing. I thand God for this book...

Sounds like you haven't hit bottom with him yet... but perhaps.
The important thing is to learn from your relationships. As the saying goes: Those who do not examine their history, are doomed to repeat it.
Stay Strong

agree with all magenta...and you already know you can do this because you've done it! Progress not perfection is the mantra I repeat to myself all day long.

I too allow myself to get hooked in, when he is acting nice...it's an age old story...we go in stages sometimes....give yourself credit for how far you've come and how much you don't want to repeat the same mistakes....sometimes it is 1 step forward, 10 steps back...but most important, forgive yourself...

I agree with "bitemepa", first forgive yourself. You made a mistake, and that's okay. You're human, it's okay to make mistakes while you're learning something new. That's what you're learning, how to be selfish enough to take care of yourself. You may have to do it several more times until you finally learn the lesson. Maybe next time you'll remember what you've learned this time and do something different. I might add to stop being angry with yourself and love yourself instead. Being angry at yourself pits you against yourself. Love yourself to forgive yourself and move on united with your whole self. Blessings

Also, sometimes we have to keep doing the thing that hurts us, until the pain of doing it exceeds the pain of NOT doing it (walking away, setting boundaries, speaking up).

I remember when my former husband started a relationship with another woman, and for weeks, I would drive by her house, see his car in her driveway, and drive away sobbing. My sponsor gave me permission to keep driving by until I became sick and tired of being sick and tired. When I had inflicted enough pain on myself, I quit driving by. I made that choice to spare me pain, and I was able to finally let that relationship and all the pain within it to leave my life. Because I waited until I was ready, I left once and never returned.