I think codependent situations can work ... if it benefits both people. Sometimes the two complement each other.and it works. It's when the relationship in unhealthy for one or both of them that it becomes time to move on.
If you are here there must be something in the relationship that is upsetting you. Is it something you can fix?

I find the tricky part with two codependents in a relationship is when one finds their recovery is proceeding while the other may fall behind them in progress. Is this someone you want to put your faith into to rrecover with you? You search your heart to find the answers you seek and it will never lie to you.

When do you cut your losses. I would say when you no longer feel love for this person and the relationship is filled with unhealthy hate.

I tend to be a perfectionist. To a fault. So when I look at my codependent behavior I try to model "perfect" non-codependent behavior. When doing so I have to imagine a "perfect" relationship with my wife. And in doing that I have to imagine that she's going to be perfect herself and not act in her own codependent ways..

Obviously all of this is a fallacy. It just doesn't work that way. Relationships are messy. People are messy. We're not perfect.

One thing I've been struggling with is trying to address my own codependent behavior while trying to "figure out" why my wife is doing what she's doing at the same time. So I've been struggling with "reaction" to her. It wasn't working.

We can't "figure out" other people. For one thing, you'll never really know everything they're thinking and feeling. For another thing, you're not going to make sense of their often irrational behavior. So don't try. You've got to go by what the do and what they tell you and you've got to trust them that they're telling you the truth (assuming you have faith in them and the relationship).

At the end of the day, the only person you can work on is you. The only person who's behavior matters is yours. The only person you can 'judge' is yourself.

I am so much more at peace when I give up trying to "figure out" my wife. I surrender. I am here to work on me.

Best regards,

Well Said Glasshouse

"At the end of the day, the only person you can work on is you. The only person who's behavior matters is yours. The only person you can 'judge' is yourself.

I am so much more at peace when I give up trying to "figure out" my wife. I surrender. I am here to work on me. "

When i concentrate all that needs to be concentrated on myself things get simpler for me and what other person feels is his problem and not mine. Slowly got out of the guilt of others feelings, Which portrays me as a cold person but hey this is my life isn't it and I have every right to understand and correct myself and importantly stand for myself.