Codependency Support Group

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What do you all think...?

pam96
pam96
I have been separated for 4 months. During the 3rd & some of the 4th month, we were "seeing" eachother. He had told me that whole time that he still loves me & I still love him with all my heart. A month or so ago, he told me that he had gone to see a movie with a female "friend". I was extremely pissed as I saw this as a date. I felt at that time though that I should confess to him that the weekend before while out at a bar, a guy had kissed me. We stopped "seeing" eachother again not long after that but not for those reasons...I couldn't handle the part time relationship because I kept feeling hurt & he said he doesn't want to hurt me any longer. I asked him a week or so after New Year's if he had dated someone on New Year's Eve. He replied that he had not but been introduced to someone & he may be interested. Last week I asked him if he has been dating. He refused to respond for awhile (this is all via text message) then finally replied "yes". Of course I flew into a frenzy out of hurt, anger & jealousy & basically told him I would sign divorce papers right that minute if I could. The next morning, he texts & tells me that because of my frenzy, I would never know the truth. I replied that by saying that he was implying he had lied. He replied that he hadn't lied, he had "embellished" the truth to test my reaction. Then he said that I had once again proven that I cant change & he never wants to be with me again. Today was our daughter's birthday & he came over for 20 minutes & had cake. When he was leaving, I asked to speak to him in the hall. I apologized for my reactions last week & told him that I still do not want a divorce. I told him that I was putting things in God's hands & that I was letting go. I also told him that because I am sorry for my actions does not mean that I condone him dating or whatever. Now....my question is...the guy that kissed me at the bar, whom I spoke to once before Christmas & explained that I want NOTHING other than friendship has called again. I dont have a lot of friends here & I would like the companionship...should I be friends with this guy or let it go. Part of me says be friends....he is doing it but another part of me thinks it may not be a good idea... need some input here.. A male friend would be nice to have...
deleted_user
deleted_user
Male frienship? The guy kissed you those kind of friendships always lead to more.
My suggestion is think it through all the way and be vigerously honest with yourself.
What do you really want?
Are you still Inlove with your Husband?
Do you want Him back?
Do you need more time to Heal?
Are you still Hurting?
By doing this Who will you really be hurting?
Do you think there has been enough time after seperation?
Have you really let go?
Have you thought about your child in this whole scenario?
Forgiving and really letting go will be the doorway to your answer.

Blessings, Sheri

Sometimes I ask myslf. What would my HP want me to do HMMM Maybe I'll ask
deleted_user
deleted_user
Testing you? He's full of sh* and you shouldn't have apologized for your reaction, that he's withholding the truth, because of your reaction, he does not have your best interests at heart. And how insecure, that he's getting introduced to people, when he's still married, that is unfair to everyone involved and will cause more hurt ... argh! I know you "love" him but can he just keep from going out with other ppl long enough to work on your relationship??? that's the question!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Who wouldn't fly into a frenzy if their spouse was out on a date New Year's Eve. He is a headgame-playing A-hole.

Beware the rebound relationship. These often hurt more than the big breakup. The healthiest thing to do would be to take some time out to work on your issues, and hang out with recovering women.
deleted_user
deleted_user
you really need to decide what you want to do with your marriage before you incorporate male friendships into your life. It sounds at this point each of you are seeking other relationships, frienships or not and just staying married as you test the waters. You will be hurt either way or you will hurt someone else in this process - if you are truly in love with your husband you wouldn't seek male companionship and if he was truly in love with you he wouldn't seek female companionship. It sounds like the two of your are dissolving your marriage and it will dissolve when you've both found someone new to be with - again, it is only going to cause pain along the way - if the marriage has ended, then end it so you can move on, if it's not ended then work on it - both of you, but dating others why you are working on your marriage is just not right nor is it a good thing. I will keep you guys in my prayers.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i agree with nooneleft. my rebound stung more than divorce. it was gut wrenching and knocked my low self esteem into the negative numbers.
take this time for you and learning about yourself.
allowing others into your life before they are trustworthy will only make your journey more difficult.
xo
pam96
pam96
Thank you for your replies....I am very aware that he is playing games...I am very lost. I do still want my marriage more than anything. I love him so much even through all this hurt. I have set my boundaries & told him that I want us to reconcile but clearly stated that I am NOT happy with whatever it is he's doing now. I told him that I am now placing the situation in God's hands & that I would be willing to talk more if he decided that he wants to work on us. He is not the type of man to sleep around. I do know that. I dont know whether he is dating or not because his "test" has confused me so much but I realize now that I can not control his behaviour or the situation any longer. I'm letting go for my own sanity & focusing on me getting better.
I dont want anything other than friendship with this other guy & I have explained the entire situation. He is not from this city, nor am I so both of us have few friends. I know that it could hurt my husband if we are hanging out but I feel like he is now Mr. Social Butterfly & I have no one to hang around with. He doesn't care if he is hurting me...he's been quite upfront about that. I do fear it will cause more damage though & I have not returned the other guys calls....I'm just so confused!!