Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Before I knew that I'm codependent I was living totally unconsciously. I was going with the flow. My journey of getting to know myself started with a training held by my employer. They wanted to make me a prenster because I was good at it. But I hated it very much. So the trainer talked about introvert and extrovert personality types which really interested me so I bought a book on the topic. I discovered that I'm introvert and understood how it works and suddenly many things in my messy life started to make sense.
Then I also discovered that my girlfriend is extrovert. And her constant chatter really annoys me. But I can't certainly decide if she talks a lot simply because she's extrovert, or because she's narcissist and she always needs attention. It's probably both. When I tell her to stay quite she gets annoyd and offended. She tries to make me feel guilty saying: I don't care about what she says.
Well, I often really don't. Because she only talks about herself and her things and her feelings and her dreams. It really drains my energy. When I talk about my dreams and plans and it's something that doesn't include her she goes for the guilt strategy again.
She sometimes asks about my feelings. But if I say something that she doesn't like she says I don't love her and she starts playing victim again. I'm just so tired from this bullsh*t!
Maybe I should just move out? I feel like I really need space to be alone.
I know if I told this to her she would play the "you don't love me" card again.
Probably I should say something like: I love you but I need to be alone.
I shouldn't care about her feelings and just leave. Maybe I should just tell her that she is narcissistic and I'd like her to go to therapy. I know she would totally deny it and wouldn't even try to consider what I say.
Typical narcissistic attitude. She's always right (even if she hasn't got a clue what she's talking about), Not taking responsibility, blaiming others, she's never wrong, she didn't do anything wrong, she's perfect, always needs confirmation, always needs attention.
And I haven't been able to leave her :(
And if she is not willing to go therapy I should just leave her because she's not willing to do anything to fix the relationship.
Maybe I should say: No, I don't love you. You're not good to me. I deserve better!
It would mean taking responsibility for my own feelings. Or not? Am I not able to say this because it's against my inner believes? How do I change that? Pfffff :/
Then I also discovered that my girlfriend is extrovert. And her constant chatter really annoys me. But I can't certainly decide if she talks a lot simply because she's extrovert, or because she's narcissist and she always needs attention. It's probably both. When I tell her to stay quite she gets annoyd and offended. She tries to make me feel guilty saying: I don't care about what she says.
Well, I often really don't. Because she only talks about herself and her things and her feelings and her dreams. It really drains my energy. When I talk about my dreams and plans and it's something that doesn't include her she goes for the guilt strategy again.
She sometimes asks about my feelings. But if I say something that she doesn't like she says I don't love her and she starts playing victim again. I'm just so tired from this bullsh*t!
Maybe I should just move out? I feel like I really need space to be alone.
I know if I told this to her she would play the "you don't love me" card again.
Probably I should say something like: I love you but I need to be alone.
I shouldn't care about her feelings and just leave. Maybe I should just tell her that she is narcissistic and I'd like her to go to therapy. I know she would totally deny it and wouldn't even try to consider what I say.
Typical narcissistic attitude. She's always right (even if she hasn't got a clue what she's talking about), Not taking responsibility, blaiming others, she's never wrong, she didn't do anything wrong, she's perfect, always needs confirmation, always needs attention.
And I haven't been able to leave her :(
And if she is not willing to go therapy I should just leave her because she's not willing to do anything to fix the relationship.
Maybe I should say: No, I don't love you. You're not good to me. I deserve better!
It would mean taking responsibility for my own feelings. Or not? Am I not able to say this because it's against my inner believes? How do I change that? Pfffff :/
Are you happy in your relationship? How long have you been together? Relationships are work!! Lots and Lots of hard work!! You have to be willing to give, take, change and grow!! I am in no way a relationship expert.. as you seen, I have my own issues!! But!! I can tell you this; some of the biggest fall-outs in my marriage were when we stopped listening to each other, stopped communicating, we closed up our hearts and built high towering walls around our feelings.
Some of the things that you wrote were very negative against your gf. Shes nagging, annoying; you dont care what she has to say. If you really feel that way then perhaps its better for her and you to go your separate ways. She will only develop more insecurity issues by the distance in your relationship. If you want it to work.. then you BOTH have to do the work!! Good Luck!
We've been together for over 6 years and I don't know if I'm happy or not. Perhaps I'm sometimes happy and sometimes not.
Maybe the anger that I feel is not against her but against myself because I put up with her behaviour instead of setting up my boundaries properly and leave if she's not changing.
the reason for I don't care what she says is that she blames me for her feelings and wants to make me responsible for her behaviour. She cannot or doesn't want to understand my point. Therefore I'm tired of repeating myself and I can't see the point of it.
Thanks for your advice. It's something to think about.