Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Good evening all--
A thought came to me after I watched "Parenthood" a few minutes ago. There was a touching scene (Actually two...) between the father and daughter, and I balled my eyes out after the last one at the end of this episode.
I think someone mentioned in a post this week about the influences of TV, the internet, etc on our emotions and how they exhibit or trigger co-da issues. But this time was a bit different for me...
First of all, I know the tears were mourning the fact that I never had a father like this--nothing new-- I have cried a zillion times over various triggers in my lifetime. This time, though, instead of staying in the "sad feeling mode" I switched it to think about how I have changed that with my children. I am their mother, not their father, and my ex is another story .....ha! How I am not like my father, and repeated those patterns of abuse, ridicule, etc...
Let's give ourselves credit for the healthy ways we have loved people. We feel deeply, and that is a double-edge sword as we know, but that doesn't have to just be a negative trait....yes, we have a lot of shit to work on, but I can say that I know I am a good mother, a very loving and caring mother, who tries to praise them as often as I can without going overboard or sounding insincere.
I just wanted to honor the loving parts to all of us for a bit without bringing in the issues--I'd rather have to work and learn how to take steps back in a relationship than to have never given (ore received) love at all---It's Friday, and I was at a new job all week, so sorry if I may not sound as coherent as I would like ~~
I wish you all a peaceful night ~~~~
A thought came to me after I watched "Parenthood" a few minutes ago. There was a touching scene (Actually two...) between the father and daughter, and I balled my eyes out after the last one at the end of this episode.
I think someone mentioned in a post this week about the influences of TV, the internet, etc on our emotions and how they exhibit or trigger co-da issues. But this time was a bit different for me...
First of all, I know the tears were mourning the fact that I never had a father like this--nothing new-- I have cried a zillion times over various triggers in my lifetime. This time, though, instead of staying in the "sad feeling mode" I switched it to think about how I have changed that with my children. I am their mother, not their father, and my ex is another story .....ha! How I am not like my father, and repeated those patterns of abuse, ridicule, etc...
Let's give ourselves credit for the healthy ways we have loved people. We feel deeply, and that is a double-edge sword as we know, but that doesn't have to just be a negative trait....yes, we have a lot of shit to work on, but I can say that I know I am a good mother, a very loving and caring mother, who tries to praise them as often as I can without going overboard or sounding insincere.
I just wanted to honor the loving parts to all of us for a bit without bringing in the issues--I'd rather have to work and learn how to take steps back in a relationship than to have never given (ore received) love at all---It's Friday, and I was at a new job all week, so sorry if I may not sound as coherent as I would like ~~
I wish you all a peaceful night ~~~~
We, as parents, are all human with our own struggles, but I honestly think if we try to be honest and still loving, they are adaptable. There have been times over the years that I have said I'm feeling a little sad these days for reasons that have NOTHING to do with you....just grown up stuff-- (Or whatever....) I love you and this will pass--And then try to do something fun with them--today I could have gone sledding with them! We're getting 8+ today....!
You know...just being there some days is SO re-assuring to children. Try not to be so hard on yourself--you sound like a great Dad--awareness is the key to recovery--It just takes this old lady longer than most I think.....lol
I say that we need to view every one (view every person) that way, because every person started out as a helpless little baby so that even the hateful and abusive people started out as just innocent babies.
It is tough to do with some people but even the worst of hateful abusers started out as loving sensitive children, and some thing terrible happened to people which turned them into cold and cruel creatures.