Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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update/obscessive

sassybabe11
sassybabe11
thanks for all the comments. its been a week today and no response. nothing moved no contact on when he might do this. i am doing remarkable and increased my antidepressant and it seems to be working well. taking care of myself by avoiding those that make me feel bad about myself. working on my self image and taking one day at a time. sometimes one hour at a time. discussed my panic at coming home and wanting to do 20 things at a time and getting just "crazy" feeling about this along with a bad headache. i was dreading the evening as i knew i would have to go through this panic. so when i catch myself doing this i stop and take a deep breath and tell myself that it does not matter what i do first or leave for the next day. my councelor said - what would happen if you did not do all of this before you relaxed. well been thinking about that and why i am so task orientated. nothing wrong with tasks and goal orientation but when that is what your life is about lack of joy is also there in you, it sucks. does anyone else have a comment to share about being like this? maybe call it type A personailty. i have alot of hostile feelings along with these other thought disorders. but anyway i am so much better than i was and hearing others say that i am strong and can do this helps alot. i am feeling stronger and more sure of what i am doing and why. still scared of change but it is part of life
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow, it actually sounds like things are turning around for you slowly, but it's fantastic that you are turning things around in your life!! I love that you are taking care of yourself and even working on your self image.

You're going to go through some rough times, but they will gradually get easier. Maybe visualize pushing the anger away to some distant mountain top far, far away, and using your arms in a slow pushing movement at the same time. It at least gives you a place to focus the anger to send it and you are a Super Woman who has the ability to send the anger there.

You are doing great. Congrats and keep going!!!.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I too am like that, Sassy. I spend a great deal of time on the weekend cleaning and doing laundry, to the point of avoiding friends if I don't have my "chores" done first. This was instilled in me as a child - work first, then play. I have tried to break out of this rut, and have even gone a whole weekend without cleaning the house. Nothing wrong with being clean, but when cleaning, or any other task, becomes more important than our joys or people in our life, then that is wrong. I'm trying to work on this for myself. Funny thing is my kids have no problem doing this! (which is part of the problem!). I'm really trying to learn not to sweat the small stuff. It's so hard, but I'm working on it. You sound like you are doing so much better these days. Good for you!
Xtina
Xtina
I obsessively clean & of course no one can clean like me. One of the reasons I pushed my recent ex (moved out Dec 7th). I had to clean and clean. I couldn't sit down. Morning til night no time for rest or play. I wonder what I was afraid of??

I was told I'm an amazing housewife but I thats all. If I'm lucky w enough to be in a healthy relationship, I will clean less & enjoy life until then I may keep cleaning. I burn calories at least.

Rambling ;)
sassybabe11
sassybabe11
yeah i was brought up like that also. work then play and that was part of the problem that i had with ex. he did not work and i expected him to keep the house clean. it was not even remotely cleaned since he moved out last nov i have clean and clean and feel good about it. its symbolic to cleaning out the mess that it has been. but agree that people and things that we enjoy are much more important. but at the same time it makes me feel good to clean and have a plan to get this place cleaned up. i am really not being real obscessive about it but have a list that i address as time allows. my kids dont have this concern with cleaning either and it is hard to handle.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I do have to say that when I lived at home I was a major slob. My kids are too. This cleaning thing didn't kick in until I had my own house for the first time. It was new, so I wanted to keep it looking nice. Nothing wrong with that. But as time goes on others in my house will mess it up, not clean up after themselves, and expect me to do it all. Then I get angry. I get told "I'll clean it up eventually but you beat me to it." I have no faith that my kids WILL actually clean up after themslves, at least not in my time frame! That's my issue - my time frame. It's about control, I realize. This home is something I now have some control over, and I like a neat place. But it's not worth damaging relationships over cleaning.

Sassy, I would agree that your ex should have been doing the cleaning since he was not employed and was mooching off of you. My kids at least have the excuse that they go to school/work, so have limited time to clean. But I still think they should pick up after themselves, and we are going to have that conversation again tonight. That is my boundary.