Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I didn't want to join this group. Not that I don't need it, I was just hoping for a face-to-face group I could attend, but there is only one in my area and it does not coincide with my work schedule. I'm hoping this will be just as effective. Has anyone made progress? At the end of the day, I need help; I want help. It just seems, right now, there's not much available in a tangible sense. Feedback is appreciated. Thanks.
Welcome!
I see this here as the best group of them all, because treating codependency correctly is a lot of fun and it is very empowering when done right.
Here is a source link that I like:
https://independentfew.wordpress.com/2014/10/13/codependency-definition/
There is also a book about boundaries based on Christianity (not everyone like using the Bible) and I say the boundaries are the biggest part about treating codependency and for fixing our self, and that book is free through the public Libraries.
Link = http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454
Welcome here to this group.
As with any healing, take what works for you at the time and leave the rest (for later or not at all). We each travel our own journey thru life.
It is scary doing something new, it is scary to change things and it is scary to reach out. You have reached out here, you have started to change things and that is a really big step, good for you.
I love that my healing journey has happened at my own pace. Just after I started here, quite a long time ago (and I have been away from here for a long time), I started reading like a machine, I read many books which gave me a good understanding of what I was dealing with and what my issues were. Then I felt that I needed some help to put what I had learned into action and was lucky enough to find a great counsellor right at the time that I was ready to do this. Then I started going to Al-anon meetings about 6 months after that. It took me about 2 years before I could ask someone to be my sponsor in Al-anon but I felt it was time and asked someone that I had come to trust and respect and what a help my sponsor has been to me. All of these things have helped me and continue to help me. I am still learning as I go, I still am only scraping the surface, I am still trying to be more emotionally healthy and there are still many things that I want to work on.
There was no magic fix, there was no 'one thing' that fixed me. It has been a process and a matter of learning as I go, taking a step at time in the right direction and just keeping on going. But I do know that I felt the benefits of change right from the start. I felt better each time I was brave and made a change, however small.
I heard a really great quote a little while ago...
"Self-esteem comes from doing self-esteemable acts".
I really love this quote. If something is good for me and is going to make me feel better about myself then they are the things I try to focus on and try to do. If it is going to make me feel like crap and make me feel worse then I try not to do it.
Sometimes I find it really hard to go out on a weekend, I still have a bit of social anxiety if I am not travelling so well. A while ago, there was a flower show being held near me and I really wanted to go to it- I love flowers and I love colour and at that particular time I was in need of some colour but as it got closer, I started to feel a bit anxious and started to think maybe I shouldn't go. But then I figured that this was something that I was doing for me, it was a self-esteemable act- it was something that I was doing to feed my soul (I know it sounds corny) and I knew that I had to go for me. I went and it was the most beautiful day, I was surrounded by these beautiful tulips of the most beautiful colours and got some fantastic photos. There were rows and rows of tulips of all different colors and it was stunning. It really was good for my soul. I could have stayed at home but that wasn't going to be good for my soul- it wasn't a self-esteemable act.
I don't think we can automatically change from our usual mode to this but if we are conscious of, and work towards, doing self-esteemable acts then we are at least getting on to the right track. And this doesn't need to be the right track by anyone else's standards but the right track for ourselves.
Best wishes on your journey :)
I'm still new to this forum, but I can say it's been helpful so far to read through the discussions and feedback. I posted a discussion of my own and got some very useful suggestions that I'm taking action on now. But I don't think posting in a forum on its own is going to make much of a difference unless you're doing a lot of work on your own in the meantime, like reading books about codependency, writing in a journal, developing affirmations, and maybe seeing a therapist.
I really, really like what LeafOnTheWind posted about self-esteem. Self-esteem comes from esteemable acts. I realized recently that one of my biggest barriers to self-esteem and self-respect was my tendency to procrastinate. I would notice that little things needed to be done, but I'd leave them for later. They would start to build up more and more stress, one little reminder at a time, and I'd feel terrible about myself for not doing anything about them.
Lately, I've been taking a much more proactive approach to my life and it has helped a lot. I feel more responsible to myself and I know that when I tell myself I'm going to do something, I'll do it! This shift has removed a lot of my self-loathing and self-destructive behaviors.
Anyway, welcome, and I hope you stick around! :)