Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Hello all,
I am brand new to this forum. It's heartbreaking to read about the things we are all going through, but it is a small comfort to know that we're not alone.
Thanks to my own reading and research, I have come to believe that I am codependent on my partner, and it's been growing since we moved in together 2 years ago.
He's got a lot of troubles in his life, from alcohol to drugs to money issues, and I've realised that my intense need to fix his troubles for him, and my tendency to focus on what he is doing and isn't doing... is slowly draining the life out of me.
Having had this personal breakthrough, I've started to let go of the reigns, focus on myself, and let him make his own choices and deal with the consequences, but often just when it feels like things are starting to get better... something else will happen to remind you of all the bad stuff going on :(
Thanks for listening this far, sometimes it really helps to vent x
to therapy if you think they would help you. I have one
And i love her for harder deeper issues.
I could never have begun to reparent and retrain myself
Without alanon. It takes time and getting humble enough
To listen, learn and absorb all the wisdom of the program.
The program is all about us getting better, stronger and
Healthier.
There are books to read like codependent no more by
Melodie beattie, She has a workbook and book is on audio.
There are youtube videos to watch from lisa romano that
are plentiful. Darlene lancer is another good author. She has
a lots of books and workbooks.
Relationships are where codependency shows up, its a
Deep issue and hard to change as an adult, healing the
Codependent within and learning how to love and accept
Yourself is very hard work.
When You are in an addiction relationship things can get
real Dysfunctional and You can get as sick as they are just
in a different way. Hence the enabling, controlling, fixing,
counting Bottles, calling in sick for them, covering up for
them with everyone, Walking on egg shells, taking verbal
And emotional abuse from them.
In alanon you learn to stay in your own hula hoop, self
Focus, stop fixing and controlling, learn to love yourself,
Accept yourself warts and all, learning strong boundaries,
Detaching with love, learn how to stop all dysfunctional
Behaviors, actions and thoughts.
Your job is to focus on controlling and Fixing yourself and
not you BF. Thats his job to Cope with not yours, HUGS
The reading I've done so far has helped me see the errors that I've been making, and I feel like I'm starting to turn a corner in myself. I just have to hope that he will turn a corner of his own, but that, I now understand, is beyond my control.
You have to help yourself before you can help others
Behaviors and issues underneath the whole
Relationship. He had the isms of his disease still
And i was a codependent still, i Did not Even know
that. I thought we were mature and Growing. "Wrong"
We are both are in recovery, way too late in the marriage.
We both should have been there the whole 30 years and
Maybe we would not be divorced now. I have been in alanon
Since 2012, him AA 2011.
You are in an active addiction relationship and they all
Pretty much follow the same path. And most need group
Support. Its too much to go it alone.
Alanon does not tell you to leave unless there is abuse.
Their mantra is Self focus and detaching, some can some
can't. Me i Could never live with an active addict. HUGS
Your boyfriend and mine alike, these are all signs of a deep source of pain somewhere inside them, and sadly that is something we will never be able to heal for them :( all we can do is look after ourselves and support them to the best of our ability. Feel free to message me if you want someone to vent to x
Are not their babysitter. That is what enabling Is all
about caretaking an adult addict. Doing for them
what they should be doing For themselves like
Every other able bodied adult is suppose to.
Enabling does not help you or them it keeps you
Both sick and stuck in sick relationship of mutual
Neediness and addiction. Round and around the
cycle of codependency and addiction goes.
Most codies find a narc, socio, addict or some type
Of emotionally unavailable person. We need to take
Care of everybody else but no time to take care of
our own needs, wants and desires. We don't even
Know what they are.
Thats where the big change is we need to figure
Ourselves out and that we come before any other
person. Thats the hard one for a codie. It suppose
to be God(HP) then you, then everyone else Afterward
not before.
That takes a long while to really get that And stop
trying to fix or control the addict. Hand over the reins
to God and you are not the addicts higher power.
Everyone has their own higher power. HUGS