Me. I'm enjoying being alone, because then I can do my own thing and be truly myself. But then I get lonely and restless and I'm seeking company, just to get disappointed most of the time...Have no answers, as I'm struggling myself at the moment, but what I found helpful is to have friends for special purposes. If you have somebody that gets you in one thing, that's good enough. My problem is to try to expand this fragile balance and get them to understand me all over. And if they don't- I get offended and want to pull away. But I've realised it's not the way, better to have lots of people around that are good in specific situations, than none, just because nobody get's the whole lot.

I think I feel the same way. I have always been a person who enjoyed my own company. Now I have a business on my own and I crave the company of others. But, I've been through so many struggles and I have a real hard time trusting people. I'm actually acknowledging the fact that perhaps my fear of being hurt and betrayed has kept me alone more than the fact that I actually do enjoy my own company. I come from a family where I was told my entire life how stupid my emotions are- I guess I carry that shame with me. I'm scared that by letting others in, truly, I am giving them the power to hurt me the same way- to tell me to shut up about my problems and to roll their eyes when I speak or actually come out and verbally say that they think I'm crazy. The truth is- there's only a small percentage that will act this way- but my fear is overwhelming. I guess I am trying to get to the point where other's reactions to my emotions don't destroy me. That's one of the reasons I'm here. I agree that its probably better to let people in and just accept them for who they are rather than expect them to validate me all the time- I'm trying to get there.

Sounds like you just need to be around me, lol.

Well, it would be safe to say that my past relationships have all annoyed me in some way or Id still be in them. However I am a loner by definition, and have always loved being by myself. I dont know that Ive ever been lonely until now.

Since I recently found my soul mate, being apart (by the fact we live in different states) has proven to be very unsettling. I actually hate not being with him. I miss the shit out of him, and count the days until our next rendezvous.

When we are together, I enjoy his company so much. We have fun, deep conversations, peaceful bliss, and a real connection. He doesnt seem to have any annoying habits or idiosyncrasies. There isnt anything about him that I dont like. We dont argue but do disagree. We have had a few misunderstandings, but we come to a resolution. Its awesome to finally deal with someone who is mature and aware.

So my guess is that you just have not met the right person yet. I think you have good goals for what you want and good boundaries for what you will tolerate. You seem to have your head screwed on straight and you are attractive (for an old guy) so what gives?

What kind of skeletons do you have that
youre not telling us about? Remember Im physic.

After intensive study of my "self" for many years, I am used to delusional mind states. I pay no mind to my thoughts. Thoughts are just secretions of the mind just like the stomach secretes gastric juices. The mind's job is to secret endless thoughts. The mind does not care what it thinks. Step back and watch it in meditation.

I've noticed that I get lonely whenever I'm not feeling comfortable with myself. I also noticed that when I get annoyed by others, it is because I have set up an expectation in my mind of how I think they should be (that goes for friends, fam, and sig other). So, yeah I still have to work on some things lol.

Thanks, guys.

Butterbean: Skeletons...hmmm...well, always enjoyed a pretty harmonious family life, so nothing dark and troubling to talk about there...was hard making friends in grade school though, at least once we moved to Colorado in the 4th grade. A few jerks began picking on me, which confused and agitated me, to say the least, began picking one because maybe I was too HAPPY (a goofball) for them, and they picked on my physical appearance (light blonde hair, thick glasses at the time, skinny). It was the first time it ever occurred to me that people judge people based on their physical appearance.

The douchebag in question is now most likely morbidly obese, so I'm concerned about him, but it did hurt. So the skeleton now is from the outside in. Thank you for finding me attractive, for an "old guy" lol. Should've seen the skinny geek I was in my 20s lol.

I work with what I've got, exercise, and try to work on the inner core, being very loving, which shines through to the outside. But some barb about my physical appearance still stings, and makes me second-guess myself. I suppose it's just a confidence problem, when it comes to the ladies or just entering into a light, fluffy superficial situation. Causes anxiety. I can go deep, no problem. It's being light, fluffy and funny that requires work lol.

NOT concerned about him, I meant.

"One should stick by one's soul, and by nothing else.
In one's soul, one knows the truth from the untruth,
and life from death. And if one betrays one's own soul-knowledge
one is the worst of traitors,"
D. H. Lawrence

I love my friends, I don't let friendship aggravate me though. I respect and love my friendships. If it isn't productive for both of us, or just one of us, it isn't a friendship. It's dependency. Sometimes I can only find this out through time. As for being alone, I couldn't find a better person to be with or trust more. Over all I have to chose to be happy, where ever I am.

I guess this particular cohort I'm talking with now is more like an adversary, a competitor, than a friend. I don't need him, not even sure if I like him. I'm better off alone without him. I might just stop calling him. The guy's unemployed, out of shape, and is quite a controlling fuck.

gosh same boat. feel lonely but when i spend time with friends i feel disappointed and bored with them usually and stressed out. do have 3 friends that i dont feel that way about, but they dont live in same town. love time alone and but also crave girlfriends. my relationship with sig other is not meeting my needs in almost all areas and councelor says that is why i am so desperate for girlfriends to be close to. seems like winter is very rough on me concerning boredom and just wanting it to warm up. wishing my life away also bothers me.

Yep, I'm usually sailing that boat. For me, it's all about control. Being controlling by not letting someone make their own mistakes, protect their feelings, and just let them be who they are without my interference.

It's about me expecting someone to be nice when I'm nice to them, or say thank you when I do something nice for them, etc. I expect people to behave in a certain way towards me, and when I'm in my "controlling" phase, and they don't do what I expect, I get disappointed, hurt, and/or angry... over think things, etc.

I start thinking that I'm always right, or I know better, or things need to be done a certain way... and "oh hell, I'll do it myself" (aka martyr). I stop appreciating differing opinions, attitudes, and realities.

Why so controlling? Because I usually feel very out of control for whatever reason. Right now, is a huge lesson in control for me, because I'm partially disabled, can't work, and can't do a lot of things for myself. What a better way to feel a sense of control in your life than by controlling outcomes? Doesn't make for good relationships, but it is what it is right now.

thanks for that post, I really needed to bring that to my consciousness today... perfect!

@ Krish... cool explanation of the brain. Really cool. I think I'll use that today, because lately I've been so bogged down in my thoughts, and not in the self reflective sense, but in the monkey mind/gerbil wheel sense.

@ kash. You sound just like me. I crave being alone, and for the exact same reason - I feel like I can relax and be myself. I've also come to the same conclusion about friends. That is, accepting the reality of having friends for certain things. For example, hanging with a group of people that likes to bowl, doesn't necessarily mean that those same people will want to go to an opera. So I totally get that.

I've also come to the conclusion that my tastes are so varied and eclectic because I enjoy so many different kinds of things, that having a "group" of exclusive friends doesn't work. If anything it's always backfired, as I've tried to bring people together. They just sit there, like deer's in a headlight, and nobody actually enjoys each other's company. It usually gets weird and fast.

Lastly, I despise exclusivity. So, for me, being part of a "group" is far to exclusive for me. I like all different kinds of people, with all different backgrounds. I used to think that was not necessarily a healthy thing, and tried "belonging" to a particular group of friends.. but it never works out well - ever.

I think it says more about the shallowness of those people, and their own judgmental attitudes. Sticking together with the same group of people all your life might be safe, but it's hardly going to enlighten one or expand your experiences. Kinda boring, don't you think?

I like people, I just feel better when they're not around! That's a line from a movie that makes me laugh. I'm basically an introvert. I work alone as an artist. I enjoy talking to people one on one for about 1/2 an hour...especially in a foreign country. If people respect my boundaries-great. If not, it's, "see ya". I don't expect people to like me and always find it preferable to be alone, rather than with idiots. I'm retired and have a busload of faith to get by. Have to have animals, though.

Everything we feel as solid is fleeting. Learning to fully feel an emotion created by a thought...feel it thoroughly in the physical body...it just disappears, like a bird within a cloud.

Thoughts have no power, unless we give them power. Thoughts are just thoughts.