Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Hi I am 45 yrs old and suffer from major codependcy with all my immediate family.My worse is with my mother who is a alcoholic who has belittled me and done everything verbally and emotionally she could think of to make me look like a complete idiot.I loss my Dad at the age of nine and after he died during a bar room fight I became fearful I would lose my mom and siblings also.So I put up with the verbal,mental,and physical and sexual abuse.I felt I deserved all of it.And they were like wolves attacking a sheep they loved that I cried and asked them to stop it was more enjoyment for them to see me suffer.This abuse did not stop until I broke down when I was 20 yrs old.Things seem to calm down after several admittance to the mental hospital.But mom never has stopped she feeds off my hurt and seeing my embarassment at her rude jokes and kidding.I truelly feel my mom never wanted me to be born.And she admitted it she has made the statemnet I am the youngest she will tell me I only wanted two kids meaning my older brother and sister.And even when I feel I am at my breaking part were I want to scream at her and make her realize how mean and hurtful she is I walk away and come back another day.I have allowed my family to beat me down all my life.And now I feel I am walking near the edge and afraid of being swallowed up by sadness or breaking again and this time not coming back.My family and I know what happens when you push someone and make them feel like they are worthless my other brother ended his life 9 yrs ago cause he felt like he didnt have anything to live for.I swear I feel and think my mom wished it had been me instead.I want to walk away from my mom and never look back she is a mean spiteful old women and she will never change.I just hope I can have the courage to walk out of her life and to quit allowing her to beat me down.My siblings stopped the meaness and we loss my youngest brother and try to be loving and supportive.I dont want to be told and feel like I am worthless and dont deserve to be happy.I want peace and happiness.But wonder if I am to broken to even fix.Wolf
I agree that you found a way to survive, and so you have already gotten past the horrible first step of becoming self aware of your own life.
You are not too broken to fix, and no one is ever too broken.
I agree that you walking out of your mother's life is a smart thing to do, but you do not need to look at that as if it is forever or as permanent, because if you leave and separate for a few years to get well and to create some healthy boundaries for your self - and then come back to start World War 3 with her on your own terms.
I had to leave my own family for 11 years and when I did come back then my own World War 3 began and it has not yet ended, and it will never end for my family or for me.
Some Therapist are okay but many are not, and you would be better to find a Therapist that really knows codependency, and yet all of them claim that they do when asked so look at their public advertisement or brochure to be more sure.
My most sincere suggestion is to read the Bible from the beginning to the end because the spiritual damage is always huge and we all need a realistic connection to God in order to get miracle healings, and the Bible gives us realistic boundaries which work. As like the ten (10) commandments are really just ten boundaries and humanity has used them for thousands of years without calling them as boundaries.
Just my suggestions and trying to help.
If you try doing that for awhile then you might find out that you really are not a worthless person, and that you are valuable for people who are not your family.
I'm not so sure that reading the Bible will give you the strength you need right now, because the Bible is full of scripture about supporting the family - and that sounds really wrong for you right now. Besides condemning your mom as a "sinner" isn't going to make you feel that much better.
If you're worried about not knowing anyone in a new town or state, you could do a number of things: join a community club, or take community college course, or volunteer to help other people. Of course you could get therapy. That might help teach you to feel better about some of the things you can do well.