Or am i? In my sickness..somehow i think that I can maintain a friendship with my ex. We started out as friends and have maintained that throughout the ups and downs of us, but now i am beginning to wonder. She has a new g/f (albeit only online) and for the most part, I try to distance myself from them so as not to have their relationship shoved down my throat night after night. But then we have those "moments" where it is just the two of us, the old us...not even the romantic relationship part, but the fun, friends who make each other laugh and have great affection for each other. Last week for whatever reason, she needed a break from her relationship, so she started chatting me up every day...nothing more than friendship but i got hooked quickly. Now tonite....she is back with the g/f and ignoring me..what the heck is that? And even worse..why the heck do I allow that? I KNOW I deserve better! But somehow my addiction to her is stronger than my sensibilities.

I've said it before, that instead of seeing the reality...i tend to put on my glasses and see what I think we could be or what we used to be, the friend that I love so much and walked through so much with. I lost my Mom last year and i am ultra sensitive to losing people in my life. But this is insanity. And I'm having a hard time stopping the cycle. I'm not ready for complete no contact. But how do i do the balancing and starting to detach? This relationship is affecting others in my life too as her new g/f is buddies with my roommate so it's an extra awkward situation. Just need support right now..thank you for letting me vent.