Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
The Price of Not Saying No
by Brett Blumenthal
I never thought that I had a problem putting my foot down (most people would equate me with an aggressive personality typeone not afraid to say what she thinks). But recently, I have become overwhelmingly aware that I actually have a problem with drawing a line in the sandfor myself. Im not sure whether it is a need to do everything, or more a fear of not doing everything, but either way, I have a problem saying No. And as a result, this has started to manifest itself in an extreme amount of stress on my psychological wellbeing. Luckily, there havent been any major physical reactionsyet.
Although one could argue that this is a positive realization, it is at the same time devastating. I am the type of person who is happiest when Im busy and dont have enough time in the day. I thrive on trying new and exciting things, taking on new challenges and being as involved as I can. My philosophy? Life is just too short to not take full advantage of everything the world has to offer. And, as a result, this epiphany that I cant say No implies that I need to do something I hate: sacrifice.
My overly eager beaver attitude comes with a price. And for that matter, a price that, if not kept in check, can be extremely high. Not having the ability to say No can result in physical health issues, mental health issues or what I feel to be even worse, failing. Unless you are a superhero (and lets face it, Wonder Woman and Superman were great role models but we know they dont really exist), it is impossible to do everything.
So, in order to prevent a stress-related breakdown, physical illness or failure, something has to give. From a personal perspective, this is just not in my make-up and the idea of it is highly distasteful. It means I have to give up something that I dont want to give up. It means making choices instead of having choices. It means admitting that, indeed, Im incapable, physically and emotionally, of doing it all. How very disappointing.
So why am I burdening you with my issues? Because, I cant help but wonder how many of us suffer from the very same thing. How many of us are trying to do it all and end up feeling stretched so thin, that the idea of flying off to some distant land to escape from all of the built up pressure, doesnt seem like the best idea weve ever had?
Do you feel that you stretch yourself too thin? Do you have a hard time saying no? If so, what drives you to continually say yes?
by Brett Blumenthal
I never thought that I had a problem putting my foot down (most people would equate me with an aggressive personality typeone not afraid to say what she thinks). But recently, I have become overwhelmingly aware that I actually have a problem with drawing a line in the sandfor myself. Im not sure whether it is a need to do everything, or more a fear of not doing everything, but either way, I have a problem saying No. And as a result, this has started to manifest itself in an extreme amount of stress on my psychological wellbeing. Luckily, there havent been any major physical reactionsyet.
Although one could argue that this is a positive realization, it is at the same time devastating. I am the type of person who is happiest when Im busy and dont have enough time in the day. I thrive on trying new and exciting things, taking on new challenges and being as involved as I can. My philosophy? Life is just too short to not take full advantage of everything the world has to offer. And, as a result, this epiphany that I cant say No implies that I need to do something I hate: sacrifice.
My overly eager beaver attitude comes with a price. And for that matter, a price that, if not kept in check, can be extremely high. Not having the ability to say No can result in physical health issues, mental health issues or what I feel to be even worse, failing. Unless you are a superhero (and lets face it, Wonder Woman and Superman were great role models but we know they dont really exist), it is impossible to do everything.
So, in order to prevent a stress-related breakdown, physical illness or failure, something has to give. From a personal perspective, this is just not in my make-up and the idea of it is highly distasteful. It means I have to give up something that I dont want to give up. It means making choices instead of having choices. It means admitting that, indeed, Im incapable, physically and emotionally, of doing it all. How very disappointing.
So why am I burdening you with my issues? Because, I cant help but wonder how many of us suffer from the very same thing. How many of us are trying to do it all and end up feeling stretched so thin, that the idea of flying off to some distant land to escape from all of the built up pressure, doesnt seem like the best idea weve ever had?
Do you feel that you stretch yourself too thin? Do you have a hard time saying no? If so, what drives you to continually say yes?
I have learned to say no and recently, how to say no without any explanation or defense....
Thanks...
Since I'm here in December, I've seen this type of post more than, if not the same as, other posts....where did you hear that grace?
IMO, totally acceptable and much appreciated....... Hey Gracie..chillax!
I found it helpful as a topic - I have recently found the tool "no" (or "yes") to be so valuable, especially for me who at times have felt like I didn't have a choice to say no, I realize because I let myself be manipulated... I am getting better with this.
Yes, and a counselor told me "no" is a complete sentence.. no, thank you is always nice... and another one told me it is far kinder to say no then to say yes and hold a resentment.
I am aware of my actions and agree that it is not healthy to say yes all of the time, since we obviously cannot be everywhere for everyone at every time. That leaves very little time for us.
I also will say that since I am aware of my codependency (thanks to my son, who pointed it out to me), and since I am consciously trying to say no to things i really will end up resenting, I have not gotten physically ill in a long time :) That helps reassure me that what I am doing is the right thing. Keep up the good work.
I love this site (DS) many of the people I have communicated with have saved me from who knows what... This discussion section has allowed me to positively move forward through constructive ventilation and validation