Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
wow here i am again in a big mess with my so/ex whatever. hes sick all time- stomach aches, not sleeping, depressed, anxious, bored, and around my family or friends likes to throw out comments about me that are smart ass. such as - she doesnt like me, she doesnt care, she could have spend time with me, she just tolerates me, and such. last night i was bored and knew that my sisters were hanging and wanted to go there. so i asked him to go. first mistake. got there and my niece was coloring my sisters hair, and my great niece, who is 5, and he does not like, which is pissing my sister off by his comments to her, is doing my hair. it was fun. he starts saying -someone take me home did not know i was getting into a hair styling studio. making some sexually related comments that no one appreciates. not real extreme but just not called for. like about balls and again just staring at us. i was so pissed. cant even go to my sisters without him thinking it is about him and should be the center of attention. this has happened before if all the girls are talking or we are playing scrabble. today was his grandsons christmas party and he tell me i will go and let u have some time away from me so u can relax and not feel bothered. i figured he would not go but he did. so my great nieces christmas play was tonight and i was so torn as i wanted to go but would have probably been upset that i went to hers and not his grandsons. also the opportunity to be alone at home. so i choose to come home alone and probably would have had a better time at my great nieces play. so stressed out and know that i have to do what is best for me and get out of this situation again. i cant be under this stress and am not happy with hi. dont know how he could be happy with me either. i am just really feeling screwed up and overwhelmed by the situation. need to just tell him this is not working and we are not happy together. i just cant stand him most of the time, but then also feel bad that he has no where to go and no money and no drivers liscense. dui while we were not living together. trying so hard to stay centered on what i want and stay calm and appreciate the moments that i have in my life. help needed from u all remind me of how to take care of myself. thanks for listening.
You say you feel bad about ending it because of his difficult situation; you KNOW that's classic codependence, girl!
First, whatever his issues, they are HIS, not yours. Not your responsibility to solve or fix. Second, whose fault is it that he doesn't have a license? Who decided to drive while under the influence? Are you going to take responsibility for that? Please.
If you cut him loose, he will find a way to take care of himself, or (more likely) get taken care of. Meanwhile, the longer you let him take your life, the less sense of self you will have.
Take a breath...hang with your family and absorb the love...let the strength flow back. Remember that he has no right to push you out of your own life, and you're the only one who can give him that power.
>HUG!<
So sorry, it sounds like the situation is really not working for you at all. I understand your compassion for him, but what are the future plans? Is he working? Do you have some timeline for him leaving? It sounds like you have taken on the consequences of his dui.
I guess it depends upon what you want and can live with. It sounds difficult, but you are referring to him as your so as well as ex, which makes me think that you are not clear yourself on your relationship with him.
Maybe you could figure out what you want (if anything) from the relationship.
Good luck,
Shar