Sorry for the misspelled word. Should say anothers' complaining. :-)

My x was a narcasistic prick who complained about everything. I lived with him, so his daily barage of negativity evenyually blackened my soul. Yes, I took it personally, but it was directed at me (in his case).

I would suggest distinguishing if you do this with everyone or just a particular person. Part of it comes from a need to please (which is a coda trait). Part of it is lousy boundaries. Know that how other feel think and feel is not your responsibility.

I find that non-responsive answers help to deflect / redirect the emotion back to the complainer. For example:

"I see."

"I'll need to think about that."

"Is that so?"

"Is that right?" (these both can be said numerous times with a different intonation each time...."IS that so? Is THAT so? etc)

"Really?"

"I'm sorry you feel that way."

and you can probably think up a few more. I've found these very effective when someone has tried to attack me. It may feel "odd" at first - I know the feeling, you want to defend yourself - but if you just keep repeating these responses the person has nowhere to take it.

I've also found saying "STOP IT RIGHT NOW!" works wonders as well.

Good luck!

yes butterbean, sometimes comments are aimed at us to drag us into anothers problems. i get this from sig other and coworkers. sig other is very negative and just has no life really, so he expects me to fill the void, i am working on not feeling guilty or anxious about his expectations. work with someone everyday that tries to drag me into her baggage. but other times we are not the object of anothers comments and just think that we are. ( its all about me thinking). daily baggage of negativity is how i also feel about my sig other. i have enough problems with being negative without someone trying to drag me into theirs. i let my anger get the best of me and lash out at him at times, then feel guilty and unsettled. trying to just have my "sweet spot" where others cant enter unless i let them.

Butterbean it usually occurs with people I am very close to. Yes its wanting to please and a lax in boundaries. But I am working on it as I am typing this. Kept my boundaries in an incident that just occurred and it ended with the other person storming out of the house. That person is sitting in her car in the drive way. Cool off period I guess.

Thanks to all the replies. I love this site because I always come away with more self awareness. And that means I can start to make changes.

Merry Christmas everyone!!

Stef