My new romantic interest is an addict alcoholic new in recovery. Being in recovery myself and having more recently getting hope/help from Al Anon and counseling, I am making progress with this ongoing codependency.

He entered treatment and in order to have visitors, I needed to attend a class. I went to a significant others program for loved ones of those in an Addiction Treatment Program through a VA (veterans) hospital. It was so neat. I want to include some of the handout they gave us.

A guide for new significant others.
Addiction is your problem, too! If you care about the addict/ alcoholic in your life, chances are that you are "infected" by this family disease.
Ask yourself these questions:

Do I have feelings about him/her being chemically dependent?
What is it like to watch someone you love killing themselves with chemicals?
What's happened to my life in the process? Have I "hit bottom" too?
Have I been doing everything I can to get him to stop using? Has it worked?
Have I been trying harder to get him to quit using than he is?

"I don't havea disease, I'm just here for him." The symptoms include denial, worry, guilt, depression, anxiety, or "emotional burnout." You become so caught up in the the addict's problem and manipulations that you help or enable him, usually out of love and caring to become even sicker. You become co-dependent, your feelings, self-esteem, even your sanity becomes dependent upon what he does or doesn't do. As his behavior becomes more and more out of control, you may try to control him by threatening, nagging or punishing. This can leave you feeling frustrated, resentful, anxious, depressed and guilty. So you either "act out" or do destructive things (violence, drugs or alcohol) or you "stuff" your feelings (maybe by over eating or doing something else that distracts you from your feelings" while trying to look good on the outside. You may end up feeling numb, empty, bitter, and lonely, even helpless. This stress hurts you physically, too! You are at risk for developing a stress-related illness like ulcers, high blood pressure, chronic headaches, or becoming addicted to chemicals, food, sex, spending, or self-destructive relationships.
The "bottom line" is that many people besides the addict are affected. Lives, relationships and families can be destroyed, especially when people deny that they also have problems. Children of addicts are at high risk, and may carry these patterns to other relationships or even to their children. You can break this cycle by getting help! If you are still not convinced that you have been affected, at least go to meetings (here or at Al Anon in your area) and see if you can relate to anyone else's story. Do it for him, do it for your children (spare them the pain), do it for yourself. Just do it.

We want you to get help for yourself. It's time for you to stop taking care of him and start taking care of yourself. Your sobriety (and sanity) is number one.

A guide for new signigicant others (with a loved one in treatment)

Question Now that I have brought him here, what do I need to do?
Answer Go home! Let him start taking responsibility for his recovery. Go to an Al Anon or Nar Anon meeting. It's time to start taking care of yourself.

Q What does he need from me?
A Nothing. Just work your own program. You need to get help for the pain which alcohol and other drugs have caused you and yoru family. He doesn't need cigarettes, care packages or money. If he asks for anything, tell him to "take it to the group".