Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
So, I'm feeling ashamed of wanting to break-up with my boyfriend right now.
Here's some background on why I want to break up with him. I recently started living with my boyfriend and it was honestly going pretty well.
We had a few things here and there that he needed to change, such as cleaning up more after himself more. Little stuff. But then some indicators went off.
I noticed in small ways that he stopped being respectful to my roommate. For instance, he lost something of my roommates and when my roommate asked him (very politely) to replace it, he became irritated and said something to the equivalent of "I will, geez, get off my back". So, up until this point I think that my boyfriend is a mature adult and he slowly starts losing that image.
Now, to talk about the main issue that is why I want to break up with him:
Turns out that he owes money to someone in the apartment complex that I live in. I am blown away as obviously he never told me this and when I confront him on this, he becomes irrationally angry and starts just shaking and unraveling. He becomes accusatory and says "Who is this person?", "you trust them over me?". He's starting to freak me out. I don't know who I'm dating at this point as he is always very calm.
Then the person that owes him money comes to my house and calmy asks to talk to my boyfriend. My boyfriend verbal explodes at this person, cussing him out, refusing to have a civil conversation over a serious issue such as owing someone money. It's sad.
I am still in shock as, to me, this is very shady behavior. I want out. My boyfriend struggles with some mental issues such as Bipolar Disorder, but honestly, I'm thinking that this is a part of who he really is and that he has been hiding this from me.
So, am I dealing with a Narcissist?? I don't know what to think about this and as someone who was raised by abusive narcissists, I am thinking that my boyfriend might be a covert narcissist and I just don't know it....or I'm paranoid.
This is a very long post! If you had the patience to read this, then I thank you for taking the time to do so and I appreciate any advice I can get!
Else That does will comment. There are type 1 and 2
it has an emotional component some have loads of
MH issues.
Many Need meds and to keep focused and really pay
attention to whats going on all around them. They can
get manic and Hyper sexual.
What type is your BF, there are some really nice BP
People on DS so i think its more about staying on top
Of it so they don't act out their disease.
Many addicts have dual diagnoses, they drink or drug
To cover up their hurt and pain. Most that belong in a
12 step program are a codependent at their core.
I hope you attend Coda/alanon and go to therapy to
Talk it all out especially if you were raised by narcs.
HUGS
He could be bipolar but hard to tell , there's many differences between bipolar different narcs borderline etc .
If that's your deal breaker and your values there's nothing to be ashamed of if you want to break up that's your codependency creeping up taking responsibility for someone else's feelings and denying your own needs , do what you think is best but ignoring that could lead to more issues anger resentments regrets etc .
You can't just wish codependency away also it's something you have to work to overcome aswell .
It who we were trained to be, now we Have to behave,
think and react differently.
Most In alanon will say they are a lifetime members.
Some will stop recovery then they will Backslide. There
is no real cure that i know of. Just to stay mindful and
hang around with healthy good people. In AA they Say
hang with the winners. Dysfunctional people Try to suck
you back into their unhealthy little world.
On the BP many MH issues have their core in Codependency.
Severe depression, anxiety, PTSD, C-PTSD. I think BP too i
could be wrong.
Codependents are created in abusive and/or Dysfunctional
families. The worse the abuse And crazy the child develops
other MH issues Besides just being a codie of some type.
Some will be alcoholics or drug users, sex or porn addicts,
there is a long list of things that People try to coverup their
pain, hurt, wounds and their Abandonment issues. HUGS