Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Today was supposed to be my court date for my eviction but, I paid enough to avoid eviction!!!!!
Here's the thing, the reason that I was behind in my rent is because I paid for the first couple of months for my BF to go to a sober living home. I accept the fact that I chose to pay to keep him from going back to jail if I hadn't paid. He finally got a job, so he is now paying for the program himself. Due to my choice to many of my bills are behind, things are shut off, payments are late.
I called his program director which pissed him off, bu t couldn't get in touch with my BF. He has told me he loves me, but right now he is working on his sobriety. His sobriety is where he needs to but all of his focus right now. I told him how much I still have to pay to avoid eviction, and he said he would call so we could figure it out. That never happened. I asked him to heck ,send even $20 bucks to help put gas in my car, but nothing has come in the mail. I asked for my government SafeLink phone cell phone back so I would have a phone if I got evicted. It never came in the mail.
Im pissed that all he can worry about is his sobriety, and can't worry about the things going on at home. I was suicidal, due to my untreated depression, and the anxiety over possible getting evicted.I am no longer suicidal,but he doesn't know that. Now I did find out yesterday that because I paid most of the back rent, the housing director called off the eviction. He doesnt know that, I didnt tell his grandma the court date is called off.
I am starting to stress over the fact that he may not contact me today to find out what happened at court today.He DOESNT know it was cancelled! Im pissed that he hasnt sent me any money even though he said he would. Im pissed that his grandma hasnt answered my last 2 FB messages. Im pissed that I was stupid enough to pay his bills over paying mine!
Do I contact him and tell him or his grandma the eviction is cancelled?
Do I contact about my cell phone, even though I dont really need it?
Do I contact him again about sending me money that he said he was going to start paying now the he is working?
Do I tell him I used what God gave to get the rest of the money, and not tell him the funds are coming from the MS Society?
Thank you,
Sober One Day At A Time~
Allison~Codependent
Here's the thing, the reason that I was behind in my rent is because I paid for the first couple of months for my BF to go to a sober living home. I accept the fact that I chose to pay to keep him from going back to jail if I hadn't paid. He finally got a job, so he is now paying for the program himself. Due to my choice to many of my bills are behind, things are shut off, payments are late.
I called his program director which pissed him off, bu t couldn't get in touch with my BF. He has told me he loves me, but right now he is working on his sobriety. His sobriety is where he needs to but all of his focus right now. I told him how much I still have to pay to avoid eviction, and he said he would call so we could figure it out. That never happened. I asked him to heck ,send even $20 bucks to help put gas in my car, but nothing has come in the mail. I asked for my government SafeLink phone cell phone back so I would have a phone if I got evicted. It never came in the mail.
Im pissed that all he can worry about is his sobriety, and can't worry about the things going on at home. I was suicidal, due to my untreated depression, and the anxiety over possible getting evicted.I am no longer suicidal,but he doesn't know that. Now I did find out yesterday that because I paid most of the back rent, the housing director called off the eviction. He doesnt know that, I didnt tell his grandma the court date is called off.
I am starting to stress over the fact that he may not contact me today to find out what happened at court today.He DOESNT know it was cancelled! Im pissed that he hasnt sent me any money even though he said he would. Im pissed that his grandma hasnt answered my last 2 FB messages. Im pissed that I was stupid enough to pay his bills over paying mine!
Do I contact him and tell him or his grandma the eviction is cancelled?
Do I contact about my cell phone, even though I dont really need it?
Do I contact him again about sending me money that he said he was going to start paying now the he is working?
Do I tell him I used what God gave to get the rest of the money, and not tell him the funds are coming from the MS Society?
Thank you,
Sober One Day At A Time~
Allison~Codependent
First half you have taken the initiative to help your BF which you did.... Now you are expecting he need to help you because you are in trouble and resenting that you helped him.. Isn't that manipulation...
For your own selfishness you helped and then now resenting the fact and going crazy that he is not helping you whereas hes focusing on his sobriety.
All those questions you posted here are a means of controlling your boyfriend. Sorry this is too harsh but it looks that way for me.
The idea is to stop thinking about him utilize his sobriety time for yourself to focus on yourself. This time MS society saved you wheat about next time?
I find it so easy to identify patterns with others, and not easy at all with myself. You did do a nice thing for your bf, but at your own expense and at the expense of your mental health. It sounds like a rescue, and if you are familiar with "Co Dependent No More", the triangle that she writes about, moving around from rescuer to victim.
One time when my husband and I rescued someone financially in an attempt to "be nice", we loaned money that we could not afford to lose. My therapist at that time told me that the person we loaned to was being how he was, and we were responsible for that bad decision. She also told me (and I have done this ever since) not to loan money unless I can afford to give it away as a gift. If I cannot afford to do that, I should not loan the money.
It sounds like he is not responding to you in order to focus on his problems. I hope you do the same about your own. Focus on taking care of self, like hbgdaystar advised. I think it is good advice. You have your own issues to tend to, and you cannot control what he or his grandmother do. What do you think you should do at this point? That is what I ask myself all the time.
Good Luck!
Shar
We've all been in your situation and it's tough. Best of luck x