I'm really sorry you are going through this. That is the worst pain on earth. I don't really know what to say to help but I'm here if you wanna talk.

I know how you feel, although my thing with this guy is basicaly a nightmare with him wanting everyone I know and succeeding. What I try to do is be around people in a pleasant enviorment, watch funny movies or do anything positive, to distract muself. Do you have any pets? I know how this feels. It's horrible. Also, for the panic attacks there are some meds any doc can prescribe.Busbar shouldn't be too hard to get. It's a non addictive anti-anxiety drug. Lots of luck.

Wow anxiety attacks, I have those from time to time, no fun, I'm sorry.
I'm just wondering if like me do you have a hard time telling her how you feel? If it is as you say, the friendship/romance on off thing, then why don't you tell her how you feel. What do you have to loose? It would be far better than torturing yourself every weekend. If she has moved on, or isn't interested in a relationship with you, then maybe you need to move on? The situation just isn't healthy for you.

Okay... none of this is healthy. you aren't co-dependent - you are obsessed. Please see a licensed therapist and get some help. Geting drunk is not the answer - you are basically self-medicating because you don't have the coping skills to deal with your emotions.
This is a serious issue and you do need professional help. If you can't be around her daughter without getting obsessed over her, you need to step away - her daughter is a trigger. Just because you want something doesn't necessarily mean it is good for you.

things have been beter since I posted. I keep contact to a minimum. Ihaven;t seen her in 2 weeks. I asked her to dinner and she wanted me to bring it to her and I laughed and said no. We have tickets to the Eagles concert next weekend. I'm so tired of being shot down for sex, I am going to be cool and collective. Enjoy myself. She might miss what she could have had.

My goodness....why on earth would you be interested in a woman that is two timing you and you even know about it...if every weekend wasn't hard for you I would think you were flat out nuts...who wouldn't feel sick and anxious...if you don't turn and run from this girl than I would say you might as well get ready for settling for second best in your life. Getting drunk or loaded is easier than walking away and finding a healthy relationship? I know there must be a part of you that knows what you are doing is self destructive...right? You know that already don't you? Since you asked for advice I gave it to you....run...or decide you will stay and quit complaining about putting yourself in such a bad relationship.
best wishes, earthlake

Why in the world do you want to play 2nd fiddle to her issues? You do realize this is a unhealthy situation? Especially not for your serenity..Take back your life and don't give power to someone who clearly does not deserve it..

I meant not good for your serenity...*

I was in this boat also, I stayed in it knowing that my ex was a cheater and liar. It can only get worse from this point on. 6 months after leaving I still feel revolting but at least I am giving myself the chance to heal. In a toxic relationship it is all about trying not to fall apart. A horrible ugly situation to be in.

What you are going through is so very hard. I belong to the Love Addiction forum at Daily Strength. The Love Addiction group might be helpful to you. Letting go of a person, even when they are obviously so wrong for you is a very difficult task.